31 December, 2002
Futurama is coming to Cartoon Network's Adult Swim as of next Sunday (January 12th) at 11:00PM. Whoo-hoo!
In other news, my cat has figured out that the toilet is really nothing more than a big, bottomless water bowl. And check out this action shot of Courage doing her house on haunted hill impression.
30 December, 2002
I almost feel guilty sitting at my desk work, iPod headphones clamped firmly to my ears, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone open in front of me, hand on a bottle of Mountain Dew, completely ignoring the people around me and the workload waiting for me.
From the nice people at PopMatters: Ten Reasons Why American Culture Didn't Suck in 2002 . . . And Ten Reasons Why It Did. Including a nice philippic about Eminem's homophobia.
29 December, 2002
MTV continues to suck. Instead of playing more videos, they are going to concentrate on ten videos to show throughout the week. Which I guess sounds about right. In between the Real World, Road Rules, the Osbournes and everything else they show, there really is only time for ten videos.
25 December, 2002
23 December, 2002
22 December, 2002
The football game ran long. As usual. I've pretty much given up on ever seeing the regularly scheduled 7:00PM, Sunday TV show. At least until the season is over.
But instead of showing the new episode of Futurama at 7:30, you insist on showing a "classic" episode of King of the Hill. What, exactly, is the sense in this?
P.S. You continue to suck.
P.P.S. You have elevated the art of sucking to never-before seen levels. Congratulations.
21 December, 2002
At work, one of my numerous responsibilities is running WebTrends on our logs and generating reports for our various components. Aside from some general annoyances at first, once things were up, running and automated, I didn't think much about them.
20 December, 2002
It's amazing what you never notice while watching TV. For instance, I just read an article about Hasbro and their new licensing deal with some film company. And what did I learn? That the toy factory that Peter worked in, on Family Guy, was an allusion to Hasbro.
I wonder if Seth MacFarlane worked there at some point in his life?
19 December, 2002
18 December, 2002
In the last two years, the following has happened to my car:
- Alternator died on trip to my parents. Luckily, was able to get the battery charged long enough to get me to the nearest Saturn dealer.
- Replacement alternator dies. Luckily, under warranty, so all I pay for is towing.
- Rocker arm breaks. $1,000 later, it's fixed, and car runs again.
- Bought a new set of tires. Nail in road punctures front-right tire. As I'm walking from the car to Subway, I hear a lovely hissing noise.
- Engine floods, due to bad sensors. More towing. More money.
- Today, front-right tire is flat. Yet another trip to Costco's tire center.
So far, everything that has happened, besides the first alternator problem, I have discovered on my way to lunch. Therefore, I figure if I never go out for lunch again (or at least not drive), my car will run perfectly.
Current Mood: Mushroom-cloud-laying motherfucker
No, blame Florida! Disneyland is demanding that Florida's new high-speed bullet train not stop at other theme parks.
Or to simplify things: Disneyland wants the state of Florida (in other words, its taxpayers), to build a high-speed train to go from Disneyland to Orlando International Airport.
Does anyone else see a problem with this?
Previously, I posted a link to Ben Stein's article about how to ruin American enterprise. One of the things that Mr. Stein forgot, though, was allowing the US Patent Office to issue frivolous patents. Take, for instance, AOL, which has just successfully taken out a patent on....instant messaging.
Seeing as how AIM wasn't exactly johnny on the spot in the IM world, the patent was issued to ICQ. Naturally, this could cause some problems for Microsoft, Yahoo, and anyone else who happens to have written an IM service/client of some form. The article does state that it's unlikely AOL will ever try to sue someone over this, and has taken out the patent as a "defensive measure".
Of course, what the article fails to state, is that years before ICQ came around, I and most everyone else who was connected to the internet could do exactly what they listed above:
# finger email@example.com[Various user information, including whether or not the user is online]# talk firstname.lastname@example.org[Interactive talk session comes up]
Or I could've used ytalk or ntalk. Whatever happened to be installed on both systems, basically. Sure, it wasn't as user friendly as today's services. But it was certainly around for years before ICQ.
17 December, 2002
After 9/11, everyone was going around, proclaiming the death of irony, and I'm guessing humor in general. Of course, this was all laughed away (pardon the pun), because hey, humans often cope with tragedy using humor.
Little did we know that sarcasm was the one given a lethal injection.
After making the remark, some passengers became alarmed and called 911 on their cell phones, prompting Mickens' arrest at gunpoint after 18 township patrol cars converged on the bus. He was then charged with creating a false public alarm.
16 December, 2002
Ben Stein has written a great article for Forbes, where he lists twelve ideas that will go a long way to killing innovation in America.
3) Create a culture that blames the other guy for everything and discourages any form of individual self-restraint or self-control. Promote litigation to punish tobacco companies on the theory that they compel innocent people to smoke. Make it second nature for someone who is overweight to blame the restaurant that served him fries. Encourage a legal process that can kill a drug company for any mistakes in self-medication. Make it a general rule that anyone with more money than a plaintiff is responsible for anything harmful that a plaintiff does. Promulgate the pitiful joke that Americans are hereby exempt from any responsibility for their own actions--so long as there are deep pockets around to be rifled.
After a little more than a week of using Phoenix as my web browser of choice, I'm definitely liking it. Smaller than Mozilla, but still renders everything properly. No silly e-mail, news or chat clients included. Just a browser.
My favorite feature, so far, is this. Not just tabbed-browsing. But the ability to create a folder full of bookmarks, and then open them all up at once. Reading my daily blogs has never been easier.
As a side note, I will at some point make some changes to the site so it looks better in IE on Windows. Of course, since there are plenty of alternatives to IE (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6), don't expect me to rush on this :-p
13 December, 2002
You know, I just can't count the number of people like this that I've met:
LAWRENCE, KS - According to irritated friends and acquaintances, Jim Marder, 43, lives to correct pronunciation. "Actually, the word is 'Ant-arc-tic," Marder told coworker Amy Dennon during a conversation about polar-ice-cap melting Monday. "Don't feel bad: Pronouncing it 'Antartic' is a fairly common mistake." Said Dennon: "He's always doing that: 'Actually, the word is 'affida-vit.' 'Actually, the word is 'pre-rogative.' 'Actually, the word is 'sher-bet.' Every time, he plays it all casual, but you can tell he's loving it. Dick."
From The Onion.
12 December, 2002
11 December, 2002
10 December, 2002
06 December, 2002
05 December, 2002
Well, for some reason I decided to brave the weather at 6:40 am and come in to work. I swear that one of the many properties of snow is that it magnifies the stupidity already present in people.
Here's a tip: It's early morning. It's been snowing, probably since about 1am, and it continues to snow. The plows can not keep up with the snow. Slow the fuck down, morons!
I'm glad that you have a big-ass, four- or all-wheel drive car that can handle the snow. Guess what? Most of the rest of us don't. Accept this fact. Don't come zooming up on a slow-moving vehicle, and get all pissy because you have to hit your brakes to avoid slamming into it.
Everybody has to drive slow, it's not just you! You will most likely be late for work. Either leave earlier, or deal with the situation.
I wish I had my camera with me. I would have loved to have gotten some footage of the idiot who spun out about 100 feet in front of me on rt 267. I think they managed to make about 3 1/2, slow-motion revolutions with their car, ending up facing oncoming traffic. Reminded me of that VW commercial with the car going round and round.
Then there was a car behind me, on the I-270 spur, that kept fishtailing. I was just waiting with giddy anticipation for this moron to somehow slam into me with the broadside of his car.
And, of course, several cars stuck in the middle of the interstate.
So now I sit in my office. Kicked off my shoes and propped up my feet on the desk. No one from my group is here, and I doubt I'll see anyone for quite a few hours. All I need is some booze, and this would be perfect.
03 December, 2002
I really like Moe the bartender's defintion of postmodern: Weird for the sake of weird.
30 November, 2002
Apparently it's true what's underneath the kilt.
29 November, 2002
I then spent about six hours unpacking stuff, moving things around, and putting books on shelves here at the new place. So I present to you, pictures of the new place, plus, some images of my cat. Enjoy!
And let me just say, I am fucking tired. I still have to unpack the kitchen, as well as most of the study. But the living room is livable, as well as the bedroom. Tomorrow will be the fun of buying apartment supplies. And a haircut. Exciting life, huh?
27 November, 2002
25 November, 2002
Oh hey, I'm back in the land of the living (read: internet access). Comcast brought me my cable modem, and activated my all my cable stuff this morning. I'll still be in out over the next few days, driving down to Hampton, driving to the old house, moving boxes, cleaning, eating Thanksgiving dinner, et cetera. But at least I can check my e-mail from the comfort of my own home again.
21 November, 2002
After two weeks and one day, I have my work-computer back. Huzzah!
I'm still trying to get things back to normal, and re-install all of my illicit software. Oddly, all of my Mozilla bookmarks showed up after I installed it. Really makes me wonder what all is being stored in my roaming profile. Although this would probably explain the several hours of hard disk thrashing that goes on every Wednesday.
Best of all, they got everything working again just in time for my vacation. Whoo hoo!
19 November, 2002
Apparently, today I woke up on Bizarro world!
The decision represents a clear legal triumph for Ashcroft, who has aggressively attempted to implement new procedures governing Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) wiretaps and search warrants, which are never revealed to suspects and are approved by a special court that meets in secret at Justice Department headquarters.
I can't be the only person who sees a problem with this. I mean, secret courts? What the fuck is this?! The Gestapo? The Inquisition?
...certainly come close?! What do you mean, close? This is the law of the land and the constitution of our fucking country you're traipsing all over. There's no room for CLOSE.
18 November, 2002
Just so everyone knows, I'm not going to be online much this next week, if even at all. Cable (and phone) at the townhouse are being cut off today, and my new cable service starts next Monday. (And for the next three months, a heck of a deal, I might add). So, if you need to get in touch with me, call my cell or send some e-mail.
An entire week without cable or internet access. I would spend the time reading, but most of the books are already packed away. Irony can be pretty ironic.
17 November, 2002
- Smoke a cigarette
- Talk with an outrageous accent
And that's pretty much it. Rie Rasmussen looked pretty damn good, although every inch a fashion model (skinny, exposed and vacant). Rebecca Romijn-Stamos had a horrid French accent, and really, really needed a cheeseburger. Or two. I've seen less ribs at a North Carolina BBQ.
16 November, 2002
I keep seeing these advertisements for MSN 8.0, like it's the greatest thing since sliced bread. (Featuring a man in the gayest costume I have ever seen.) But what amuses me is how they compare themselves to AOL 8.0, and naturally assure the viewer that MSN is the superior product.
I don't know. Comparing MSN to AOL is kind of like comparing a stroke to an aneurysm. Sure you can survive one, but why put yourself through the experience?
15 November, 2002
There's a really great skit by The State, about threatening the president. The premise is that anyone who said the phrase "I'm going to kill the president" was immediately whisked away by a group of secret service agents, never to be seen again.
Sadly, they weren't that far off. In an article from Salon:
The jist of the article is that yes, the Transportation Safety Administration does keep a "blacklist" of about 1,000 people who are not allowed to fly, because they are a "threat to aviation". Rumours abound that there is a second (and who knows, maybe a third or fourth) list of people that, while not prohibiting them from flying, subjects them to unnecessary harassment when trying to board the plane.
Other threats to aviation I would like to see blacklisted:
- Drunk pilots
- Inexperienced pilots
- Disgruntled mechanics
- Unpleasant flight attendants
- Airlines that don't pay their employees a livable wage
- Children who haven't been sedated for their flight
- The fat and/or smelly bastard that is in the seat next to me
Oh look, some nice men in black suits are h
13 November, 2002
12 November, 2002
This test seems to think I have a few loose screws. Crazy, huh?
(a partial list)
- Fingernail clippers
- Chewing while the mouth is open
- Pretty much anything bathroom related
- Gilbert Gottfried
- People talking right outside my office door. Loudly. For an extended period of time.
- People attempting to carry on a coversation through a closed door.
- People who don't realize that the walls in this building are extremely thin, and I can hear just about every-fucking-thing they say.
- Looking puzzled over something that's not really difficult
- Microwave popcorn, burnt
- Anyone else's cigarette smoke
- Farts, especially those that people have tried to hide
- Doritos Corn Chips (plain)
- Drivers who insist on trying to get as far ahead as possible before merging onto an exit ramp.
- Politics and politicians
- FOX's inability to show their complete prime-time, Sunday evening line-up
08 November, 2002
Wednesday, my regular computer at the office died. Nothing like booting the machine and seeing Disk I/O error: Status = 00001000. Naturally, I call the wonderful people at our help desk, and after about 10 minutes of explaining what the problem is, and that I can't do anything as it stands, they agree that someone needs to come out and fix the machine. Well, duh.
So I've been stuck on various other machines throughout the office for the last two days. Which is a pain. One, I have to move to various stations, and constantly run into the other people in my office. Literally, run into them. There's just not enough space for people to move around a lot. Two, no other machine has all of the software that I had been using. One of the nice things about being here for 2.5 years is that I've managed to get my computer set up just the way I want it, unauthorized software and all.
What occurred to me this morning, though, is that JCON (the people what handle our computer stuff) will naturally try to re-image my machine. Thus destroying hundreds of useful data files on my drive. Assuming, of course, my drive works at all.
I meant to bring in my toolkit this morning, so I could take the drive out of my computer, put it into another computer, copy the necessary data and put everything back to normal. Of course, I forgot the toolkit. But, after cannabilizing some cables from one computer, I was able to hook the IDE drive of my computer to the secondary channel on our lab computer. And let me tell, it's a pain in the ass getting an IDE cable to stretch from one computer to another. They did, however, remind me of a wonderful moment on The Simpsons, where Bill Clinton and Bob Dole are walking down the street together, holding hands.
"If you can think of a more efficient method to transfer long protein strands, we would love to hear it."
So anyways, this is why I need to bring my camera to work. The little moments like this.
P.S.: I was able to get my data from the drive, so it's not completely hosed. Hopefully I can get the JCON monkey to install Win2000 instead of NT4 whenever he or she finally shows up.
05 November, 2002
High school football player is given a two-day, in-school suspension for kissing his girlfriend on the forehead. I think public displays of affection are pretty damn irritating, but this is taking things a bit too far:
"We run a strong academic environment in which kissing is not an activity that needs to take place in the school building," he said.
Yeah, you never know. It might just lead to the sex!
This, however, is a bit of an overreaction on the student's part:
On second thought, maybe it's not overreaction. Odds are, high school will pretty much be this kid's salad days. And fond memories of winning some football trophy or breaking some pointless record are all that he will have in 15 years, when he's getting drunk with his buddies after a long day of work at some factory in the middle of Ass Fuck, Georgia. Or shooting the shit with the other employees at Big Earl's Used Car Emporium.
03 November, 2002
Fun with Googlism.
Googlism for: james ness
james ness is the subject of the complaint then please feel free to make a reference to our mr william adam based at our dalbeattie office
james ness is an ottawa freelance writer addressing business and technology issues
james ness is still living
That last one is comforting.
Googlism for: james
01 November, 2002
31 October, 2002
30 October, 2002
First, a disclaimer: I don't do this sort of thing professionally. Everything I list below might be entirely wrong. I take no responsibility if you use this information as gospel, without researching it on your own. Got that? Good.
This is what I've learned after researching the whole election/electoral college thing, using data from a few government sites.
Under the electoral college:
- There are 538 electoral votes up for grabs.
- Of these, 270 are needed to win.
- The top 11 states will bring in the needed 270 votes. These include CA, NY, TX, FL, PA, IL, OH, MI, NJ and NC, plus either VA or GA.
- There were 116,536,000 (57,777,007) voters in these 11 states.
- Under the "winner claims all" policy, 58,384,536 (28,946,281) votes would give a candidate all 270 votes.
- This is a mere 28.4% (14.1%) of the voter population.
Under the popular vote:
- There were 205,815,000 (105,586,274) votes up for grabs.
- A simple majority (50.1%) of the votes needed: 103,113,315 (52,898,723).
- A mere 25.7% of the eligible voters could elect the president.
Just to make some sense, the big numbers in bold represent the eligible voters, while the number next to them, (in parantheses), represent the actual turnout in the 2000 election.
Basically, under the electoral college, 28.9 million people could elect the president. Which is kinda frightening. Voter apathy, of course, could cause this to happen in a popular election. I realize this, and hence some of my concerns in my previous entry.
Download my data as an Excel spreadsheet, and figure out whether or not I'm smoking crack while looking at this stuff. (Yes, I know, Excel is evil. But easy to use.)
Things I would do if I could change how elections work in America:
- Make election day a paid holiday. Many people can't afford to take time off work to go vote.
- Provide two days of polling. Make sure that people and businesses can arrange their schedules to let as many people vote as possible.
- Allow absolutely no results to be released until the polls have closed on the second day. Why go vote when you already know the outcome?
- Offer an incentive to vote. Yeah, the ability to elect your leaders and decide important referenda should be enough incentive, but obviously that's not working. So, allow everyone who votes to get a tax credit.
- Allow "none of the above", or no confidence, choices on the ballots. There aren't too many things worse than having to choose between two shitty candidates. Unless it's having only one shitty candidate.
- When a person is released from prison, restore their voting rights. If they've "paid their debt to society", why shouldn't they be allowed to vote again?
- Make it easier for third- (and fourth-, fifth-, sixth-) party candidates to get on the ballot. Yeah, they might be crackpots, but if it's what the people want, it's what the people deserve.
- Abolish the electoral college. No more of this "swing state" crap. If you want to run for president, you should have to reach out and connect with all of America, not just a handful of states.
29 October, 2002
Hold on to your hats: California congressman Mike Honda wants to give the FDA the power "to add candy warning labels and pull the most dangerous sweets off store shelves", in part because some children choked on gel candies.
Oooh, yes! Please please PLEASE Mr. Congressman, please expand the size of the government some more. Honestly, I'm just not paying enough in taxes each year, I'd like to pay more so that a group of people can figure out whether or not certain food constitutes a choking hazard. Sadly, someone beat me to the pithy quote for this:
Let's imagine some future warning labels on our food products:
- Warning: These eggs are tasty, conveniently sized, and relatively inexpensive. But please, do not attempt to re-create the scene in Cool Hand Luke where Paul Newman eats fifty hard-boiled eggs.
- Caution: Setting your toaster oven on high may cause this bread to burn.
- Attention: Peas represent an attractive nuisance. Children may attempt to insert peas into their noise. Please keep all peas away from cribs and young children.
- Danger: Eating the food contained within this package may result in the following: choking, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, diabetes, migraines, cancer, gout, scurvy, heartburn, plague, salmonella, blurred vision, hyperactivity, hypothermia, brain freeze, tunnel vision, carpal tunnel syndrome, arthritis, mononucleosis, smallpox, cowpox, chicken pox, a pox upon your family, influenza, rockin' pneumonia, boogie-woogie blues, shakes, shivers, palsy, hair loss, hair growth, loss of life, loss of limb, kidney failure, appendicitis, tonsilitis, hernia, low sperm count, ovarian cysts, hemorrhoids, pregnancy, hysterical pregnancy, fever, chills, temperature stasis, dehydration, over-hydration and/or muscle spasms. Please avoid eating this food at all costs.
I really need to stop taking these quizzes, and write something with substance. But oh well, here we go:
Your Secret Fetish Is Piercings!
Not only is the pain a big rush, as you know, piercings are a great sexual enhancer. Sure, you may not be able to get a job with your punctured face, but you will have incredible sex! Kiss and suck away, but don't get your piercings locked with your lover's.
What's *Your* Secret Fetish? Click Here to Find Out!
Huge shock, I know.
27 October, 2002
26 October, 2002
24 October, 2002
Today's brush with fame: I work just 2 blocks from the jail where it looks like the suspects in the sniper attacks are going to be held. I drove out for lunch today, and the corrections facility is completely blocked off, with bunches of satellite trucks parked on the ground. Exciting stuff.
23 October, 2002
Do we really need this man to be chairman of the Food and Drug Administration's panel on women's health policy:
Or even to sit on the panel?
22 October, 2002
Well, election is day is just around the corner. Remember to get out and vote, motherfucker! Of course, in most states, it's entirely too late to register. Some nice midwestern states, like North Dakota and Minnesota (I believe), allow you to register on election day itself. Just walk up with your driver's license, and you're good to go. Wow, what a concept! Letting people who are legally able to vote. . . . vote.
So, we'll assume you've registered, and that you're willing to vote. Now, you need to be prepared. An uninformed voter might as well stay home, for all the good he or she will do. Head out to DemocracyNet, and check out the races in your area. All you need is your zip code. How hard is that?
At this point, I've gone through all of the candidates running for the Senate for the find state commonwealth of Virginia. Let's see what the political machine has to offer this year:
- Republicans: John Warner goes for term number five. Ho hum. I'm sure he's been stellar for the last 24 years, but politics should not be a life. Serve your constituents, then move on.
- Democrats: Surprise, surprise, the democrats aren't even putting someone up against Warner. This is the travesty of the two-party system. "Oh, we're going to lose...let's not bother to give the people a choice". Way to fucking go, dems. Why not make it even easier for yourselves, and merge the parties?
- Libertarian: Jacob Hornberger, pretty much the de facto Libertarian candidate, although he lists himself as an independent
- LaRouche Democrat: I can hear you all know..."the hell?!" But yeah, check out Nancy Spannaus. Admittedly, a little too far off-centre for me.
Ultimately, I don't agree 100% with any of these candidate's ideas. That's just not going to happen, unless I run for office myself. (And who's going to vote for a mysanthropic, chaos-lover such as myself?) But for the most part, I tend to agree with Hornberger's policies. (There ya go, you've got the jgumby.com endorsement! And all ten people who read this will know about you, Mr. Hornberger.) At least, more than Warner or Spannaus. To quote Hornberger:
It's kind of sad that there are no major "hot-button" issues to get voters to rally around. Yeah, there's the war with Iraq, but it's just not getting people foaming at the mouth like it should. I remember back in 1994, when Ollie North decided to run for Senate. It actually made my dad go out and register, just so he could vote against him. Nearly 40 years of not-voting, turned around because of who was running. Why can't we have that now?
Even better would just be voters who gave a damn, of course. But that ain't going to happen.
21 October, 2002
18 October, 2002
I blog, therefore I am.
But after that, what?
Is this my life? My existence? To only be known for my inane writings, floating through the ether? Is this the mark I, and others like me, are going to leave on history? Only the most emphemeral of impressions, compared to the length of history?
The birth control patch.
I really want to get ahold of a bunch of these. Then go around and "sterilize" people for a week.
The first rule of project mayhem, is that you do not ask questions.
The second rule of project mayhem, is that you do not ask questions.
17 October, 2002
As Lord Voldemort, you are extremely intelligent, talented and brilliant. One minor drawback though... you are the personification of all evil. Although you have a clear understanding of moral issues, you prefer to take the more murderous or destructive option. Your strong powers of leadership attracts people, but for all the wrong reasons. Your favourite past-time of blowing up people does not go down well with the neighbours.
16 October, 2002
The Iraqis have spoken, and they have said.....yes.
Four-hundred, forty-five thousand.
11,445,638 eligible voters in the country of Iraq. Every single one of them voted. Every single one of them voted 'yes'.
And the state of Florida can't even get a primary right.
15 October, 2002
I am just back with a motherfucking vengeance, today!
Okay, I will say this now. The following link is REALLY FUCKING NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!! Do not follow this link at work if there is the slightest chance you will get in trouble for having pr0n, or anything remotely questionable, on your computer screen. (The link is hosted on stileproject.com...that should be enough of a warning right there.)
That being said, check out a video of some moron stapling his fucking nuts to his leg.
Also, the tattoo at the end...very appropriate.
More proof that American TV sucks ass compared to the rest of the world.
Given the choice of watching a fairly pedestrian situation comedy that explores no new ground, or watching an historical teleplay that features breasts (and, yes, lesbians for those guys out there who get a big stiffy at the merest hint of two women touching each other), guess which one I'm going to choose?
(And not that kind of boot)
Looks like Dell is going to let Steven go. I know I'm saddened by that.
This is usually the point where I would say something about scooping out my eyes instead of having to watch more of this drivel. However, the female intern is quite hot, so I'm not going to. My libido has spoken.
[I realize I've been fairly slack lately, in keeping people apprised of the events of the world in which we live. So, let me try to fix that.]
Wow, big shock right there. And Wally World is usually a bastion of freedom and openness. Of course, maybe we should hear from Acclaim about their product:
I think Kid Rock would be proud.
13 October, 2002
12 October, 2002
11 October, 2002
10 October, 2002
A little something for the smart kids.
I love Krispy Kreme doughnuts. A lot. But not this much. Maybe I'm spoiled, but I'm not going to wait in line for two days for a doughnut. It's not like the store will only be open for a week, so get your doughnuts while you can.
Also, this guy:
07 October, 2002
06 October, 2002
04 October, 2002
Currently trying out the latest version of Kung-Log, 1.4.2. Looks pretty good so far. It seems to behave more like it should, considering that it designed for use with Moveable Type. Finally gives me the option to toggle things like "Allow comments" and "Convert line breaks". If only I could use this at work.
01 October, 2002
Hopefully, the artist behind Sinfest will not be too mad about the use of his strip. I highly encourage everyone to go read this comic. Now.
Seriously, click the link.
Don't read any more of this.
Go. Enjoy the funny.
30 September, 2002
And on a different note: vibrators for all!
.Mac outage; reliability issues persist. (Be sure to read the comments after the article.)
Wow. Apparently, Apple is some great big boogey-man, trying to harm thousands of innocent netizens, in ways not even Microsoft can imagine. All because some of Apple's .mac services were unavailable Saturday night.
The two biggest complaints: 1) users were being denied their god-given right to 24/7 e-mail access and 2) users were unable to keep in touch with clients of their small businesses.
You'll have to forgive me for not feeling any sympathy for these people. According to the .Mac terms and conditions for signing up:
And to boil it down even further: 1) we do not guarantee 24/7 reliability and 2) don't use .Mac for your business needs. What can be so hard to understand about that? Try actually reading your service agreement when you sign up for something.
The problem lies in the people who are already out for blood, talking about lawsuits against Apple for the heinous and criminal act of not having e-mail available at the drop of a hat.
Awww, what's wrong? Expecting an e-mail from that hot chick in accounting that you've been drooling over for the last three months? Is the message from Publisher's Clearinghouse confirming your $10 million prize just languishing on Apple's servers? Is some client's order for 10,000 widgets not going to be fulfilled because you can't sync with .Mac?
Guess what, Dorothy? We don't care. You might care. There might be a couple of hundred people who do care. But we don't. By we, I mean the 99.5% of users who either have something better to do while waiting for the servers to come back to life, or who don't rely on the internet for gratification.
Hell, when the servers went down Saturday night, I was hanging out at a friends' house. That, or watching some TV at my place. I sure as hell wasn't fretting over not being able to check my bloody mac.com e-mail!
To be a bit more blunt: If a server is down, find something else to do, fuckwad. There are literally millions of other computers on the internet that you can interface with. Perhaps one of them will keep you entertained for a little while. Or better yet, Sparky, why don't you try going the fuck outside! Or read a book. Or talk to a real, live human being. Pet your cat and/or dog. Shit, why don't you just go to sleep? The human body needs sleep. And hey, maybe you'll dream about the hot chick from accounting...because that sure-as-hell is the closest you'll ever get to her.
28 September, 2002
Just saw a commercial for a new movie, Knockaround Guys. And really, I'm torn, because of who is in it. Compare the pros:
Oh wait, I listed Seth Green twice. But damnit, he's just that cool. Now the cons:
I suppose I will end up seeing it, and hope that I can block mesr. Diesel out of my line of sight.
27 September, 2002
Seriously, it's all about proofreading, people. Think about what you've just typed, and ask yourself, "does it have any other meanings than what I was expecting?" From my messages page on amazon.com:
Just read an interesting op-ed piece included in Jenny's blog.
I must whole-heartedly agree with the assessment that Dubya just doesn't know when to quit. When things are going wrong, you really need to re-assess the situation, and make some strategic changes.
Let's take a look at something as simple as speech. You've probably seen the clip of Dubya speaking to a group in Tennessee, where he uttered this little doozy:
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me...uhhh...fool..um...a fooled man can't be fooled again!"
Now, what he was going for, of course, was "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". A pretty good sentiment, all in all. However, even though he knew he was fucking it up, did he stop? No, not George Bush. He instead valiantly trapses on, tacking on whatever the hell he wants to, as if he was going to somehow save face with this tactic.
I wouldn't have thought twice if he had stopped, and started over again, this time getting the phrase right. I know that when I'm talking, I often backtrack, in hopes of getting what I'm saying right. (In fact, this is why I prefer using the internet for communication. I can hit the bloody backspace key and remove my mistakes.)
There are, I'm sure, so many other, more important examples of this behaviour. But damnit, something so simple as this should really be ringing alarm bells along the way.
Actually, not even two days, and I've already screwed around with the design. But at least not major changes. Ultimately, I just didn't want to abandon the most recent comments section. It's such a convenient way to be able to check if people are bothering to leave any comments.
Some notes about the design:
- I've resized the cow pictures from 106px to 100px wide. This means that if you have some of the cows in your cache, they're probably still 106px wide, and will run over into the blog section. You have two choices: Hit shift-reload a lot; clear your cache; or just not worry about it.
Three choices. You have three choices! The nature of which I have divulged in my previous paragraph.
- The left- and right-hand sides should stay in place, while the content in the middle moves up and down. Much like frames, except I use absolute and fixed positioning in style sheets to create the effect. This means:
- Some browsers display everything correctly. I use Mozilla as my primary browser, and not coincidentally, Mozilla displays the pages correctly.
- For some, the left and right sides stay in place, but when you move up and down, the graphics "stutter". It's somewhat difficult to describe, but basically what happens is that the empty space underneath "Jibba Jabba" might end up filled with pieces of the "Jibba Jabba" graphic, or the "Periodic Table of Links" graphic. If you switch windows, it will clear up (until you move the scroll bar up and down again). Why this happens is beyond me. Why this should happen in certain browsers, whose rendering engines are the same as other browsers that do work, is also a mystery. Let's just hope that future releases will fix the problem.
- Some browsers just can't handle positioning, so everything moves up and down. Obviously, not that big of a deal.
- Older browsers (such as Netscape 4.x, which I sadly must deal with at work) just can't handle it at all. The page looks like complete and utter crap. And you know what? Those browsers are worth approximately one pair of fetid dingo's kidneys to me. If you're using one, I suggest you read the next bullet:
- Browsers with style sheets turned off or that have little need for true CSS support (such as Lynx), will not have the most visually appealing experience, but all of the content will be there. Everything should be laid out in such a manner that none of the text is hidden or in funky places. This is what happens when you have to code to Section 508 standards at work, you end up creating (somewhat) accessible websites on your own.
- For the most part, the "Miscellaneous Debris" logo on the right is a place holder. Sooner or later either I or someone else will come up with something I really like, and I'll got with that.
26 September, 2002
Fun fact for today:
[Everything You Know Is Wrong, page 288]
Also: a quiz
25 September, 2002
I would like to thank everyone for their input on my site redesign. Naturally, I threw everything away and started over from scratch!
Well, I did start over from scratch, but kept the good stuff. I still need to add the rest of the links up top. And figure out if I want to add the "Powered By..." section (probably not on the main page).
But anyways, this feels less...cramped to me. Not so boxed in. So start taking bets on how long it takes me to do yet another redesign. :-)
P.S.: The rest of the site will change over in the next day or so
Seriously, these people need to get laid.
The latter recently was placed strategically on a replica of Michelangelo's classic statue of David, which had stood nude atop a sporting goods store in the town of Shenandoah.
The Republican Leadership Council is continuing a boycott of the Buca di Beppo restaurant in the same shopping center because it has photos of nude statues and paintings.
I feel like I'm repeating myself, but:
It's called a body. We all have one. Get over it.
Sometimes, I really wonder what these people do in the bedroom. (No, I don't mean like fantasizing about it, you pervs.) But I'm just curious if these people are the kind who push the twin beds together, turn out the lights, take off their clothes (but probably not their socks), and have quick and efficient sex, missionary position, for five minutes, in the hopes of creating a(nother) child? They just sound like the most boring people in the world, and would probably look at you like horns were growing out of your head if you suggested something as kinky as doggie-style or, heaven forfend, oral sex.
24 September, 2002
What's the difference between a joke and an insult?
A joke is aimed at someone else.
"I think if they want to protest movies, there are a lot of other movies to protest that do a lot more damage to the black community," Lee said. "There are strong images and more egregious affronts to (blacks)."
As for whether the producers, director, writers, stars, etc did something wrong...*shrug* I suspect it falls under the category of jest, and as the article states, the other characters condemn the speaker for being disrespectful. This is the sort of writing that used to fall under the category of humor, possibly even political humor. Now it seems as though not towing the line will get you a reprimand and demands to cut the offending scene out of future releases. So remember kids: freedom of speech is a-okay, as long as you don't say anything unpopular.
23 September, 2002
From a Washington Post article:
You know, if I was a small country or terrorist organization, and I was thinking about unleasing smallpox against the Western world, I sure as hell would not release a stock version of the virus. I would have my scientists working around the clock to genetically modify the original smallpox so that it's just as dealy, if not even more so, but that the standard vaccine would be worthless against it. Why would I waste time preparing a biological attack that my enemy can put up safeguards against?
And yes, sometimes it scares me that I think of these things. And sometimes it scares me that other people don't.
22 September, 2002
20 September, 2002
19 September, 2002
Your pirate name is:
Black James Flint
Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!
18 September, 2002
17 September, 2002
To quote Jay: Fuck fuck mother mother fuck fuck!
A Hollywood adaptation of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is in the works. I just know that this is going to suck on so many levels. One of the charms of the original BBC radio production and television program is that it was just a bit cheesy. (Okay, it was a lot cheesy.)
But Bob knows that they're going to do everything they can to modernize it. CGI effects. Huge sets. Overpriced actors. I mean, look who they've picked to direct and write:
Kirkpatrick previously wrote "Chicken Run," "The Road to El Dorado," "James and the Giant Peach" and "Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves."
Mercifully, Douglas Adams penned the original screenplay, so there's less chance of Kirkpatrick completely screwing it up. But damn, I'm certain he will try with all his might to do so.
kay, I thought it was fairly difficult being a vegan when I was one. No meat. No dairy. No eggs. Usually not too much problem when eating at home, but eating out was a big pain. However, all of that pales in comparison to keeping kosher. Wow.
They do not, however, explain kosher pickles.
16 September, 2002
There is no longer anything sacred. Some asshat has developed a machine that will emboss words on a pizza crust. So now, the fine consumers of the world can enjoy an advertisement on their fucking pizza, while they're trying to eat. As if there aren't enough advertisements on the box. Or the napkins. Or the bottle of soda that came with it. No, we have to be subjected to yet one more fucking ad.
I must have missed the meeting. You know, the meeting where it was decided that every possible square inch of a product being sold should contain usable advertising space.
I say they're really missing out, here. All those pepperonis? Think of them as little, cross-promotional billboards. They could be like Burma Shave:
From all your grief
Just imagine the limitless possibilities once we get nanotechnology down pat. All of that cheese could do something besides just sitting there, waiting to burn your mouth. It could become like unto an artist's canvas, displaying a message about how you, the lucky pizza consumer, can save $3 if you come down to the restaurant for Family Nite™ next Tuesday.
My only consolation is that this machine is being marketed to places like Pizza Hut, and other such crappy places. All the more reason to not eat their horrid "food" again.
13 September, 2002
Kopi Luwak coffee. Now, I'm not normally a big coffee drinker, except for frou-frou espresso drinks, but damn, sign me up for this:
Best of all? You get to pay $600 per pound for this coffee. $600!
I'll make you a deal. You pay me just $300, and I'll personally run some coffee berries through my lower GI tract, so you can get that nutty flavor you so desperately desire in your coffee.
Have I mentioned lately exactly how stupid I think people are? Because really, I think anyone clamoring for a cup of this shit (pardon the pun) needs to be shot, as well as any offspring they might have.
12 September, 2002
British American scientists have figured out how to grow test-tube penises.
There are so many things I could say here.
Bad Viagra jokes.
Flesh Textured Dildos.
But I'll leave that as an exercise for the readers.
Okay, enough of that. I hope everyone appreciated yesterday's sentiment.
All in all, a good September 11th Patriot Day. I managed to stay almost completely media-free, except for about ten seconds at dinner, plus an article I read on Salon, "Forbidden Thoughts about 9/11".
I was, however, a good little consumer and purchased a digital camera. (Hey now, I've been planning on getting one for quite a while now...wasn't some boost-the-economy-love-the-country kind of purchase.) Naturally I present to you a picture of my cat, Courage.
11 September, 2002
And, Riff Regan is listed as Moloch's daughter. Wasn't that the character Curry was going to play? (Riff was the original Willow, as seen in the unaired pilot.)
However, Bill Murray is now listed as playing Mordag the Destroyer. Hrm.
All in all, weird stuff.
10 September, 2002
Tomorrow being September 11th, we here at the Department of Justice are going to be sure to follow proper security procedures. To wit, here is an excerpt from a memo sent out this afternoon:
1) All employees should wear their Department of Justice (DOJ) ID badges externally while they are in DOJ controlled office space. (Remember to remove your ID badge upon leaving the building.) Personnel found in a controlled area not wearing a DOJ ID badge or temporary pass should be challenged and required to provide adequate verification that they either work in the facility or are an authorized visitor sponsored by a DOJ employee;
Notice the emphasis up there. Who the hell is wearing their ID badge internally?!?!
So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this badge up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the badge. I hid this uncomfortable piece of plastic up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the badge to you.
Got this from TV Guide:
Anybody know what's up with this? Wacky Halloween episode, per chance?
09 September, 2002
08 September, 2002
Learn logic with Beavis & Butthead:
Equivocation means many things, but is often taken to mean using a word in a different sense to that which was intended. In fact the word "equivocation" is pretty equivocal.
(Beavis, under the influence of a music video, is "dancing" on the sofa.)
Butthead: Get down, Beavis!
Beavis : I am getting down!
07 September, 2002
Made some changes to how the site looks. Various archive views are available under the Archives link. Added a link to some stats produced by Sawmill. (Still working on making them look like the rest of the site.)
Most importantly, though, is that I've switched all of the files over to PHP. The <$MTInclude$> tag just wasn't cutting it, especially for including modules in the different archives. Plus, by having my navigation bar module as an index file, and then including it through a PHP call, I save on CPU overhead when it comes time to rebuild. And quite frankly, only other geeks will find this at all interesting.
So be aware that stuff might be broken. Particularly in terms of links from outside sites, such as search engines. It'll take a while before they all crawl through again and start caching files. But for the most part, I think the changes will be largely transparent to you, my loyal reader.
Leave any comments in the suggestion box.
06 September, 2002
That is amazingly cool, actually.
I mean, I can't see this becoming the "future of music", but for those who love the past, it could be a godsend. Consider the staggering number of vinyl records in existence. Now consider how many of them have actually been released in a digital format. My guess is less than 60%. Probably less than 40% for "legitimate" releases, but there are people out there carefully digitizing their old 78s and putting them out in the wild for people to download.
The biggest problem with this process is that for many albums, there are no masters. After 50+ years, it can be difficult to keep track of some of these things. It's not uncommon to hear a CD where the best example of a song came from an old record, complete with various hisses, pops and scratches. You can digitally edit these, and even attempt some noise reduction, but the quality always suffers.
Add to this the problem that every time you play a record, you're causing just a little more damage to the grooves. I don't know if this digitization process can be properly refined, but the potential is out there. You find an old album, scan it in (subjecting it to nothing more harmful than 30 seconds of light), put the album away, and then start digitizing.
I doubt we'll ever achieve sonic perfection with this process, and many great recordings are going to be doomed to crappy reproductions. But at least this is a step in the right direction in terms of preservation.
No love-thy-neighbor, isn't-life-great-because-of-god quotes here. Just good old fashion god-is-pissed-at-you quotes.
05 September, 2002
In Wilmington, NC, a 4th grade teacher was reprimanded for using the word niggardly in her class. The complaint is that "it sounds similar to a racial slur."
Similar to a racial slur?! There are a lot of words that sound similar to nigger. Hell, there are a lot of words that sound similar to cunt, fag, kike, and chink. As crazy as it sounds, some of those words I've just listed have other meanings, besides the offensive. Shall we take all words with the potential to offend out of common usage as well?
Bear with me, because I'm about to get a bit radical. But let's see what the dictionary has to say about these words:
Main Entry: nig-gard-ly
Date: 1571 (emphasis added)
1 : grudgingly mean about spending or granting : BEGRUDGING
2 : provided in meanly limited supply
Main Entry: nig-ger
Etymology: alteration of earlier neger, from Middle French negre, from Spanish or Portuguese negro, from negro black, from Latin niger
Date: 1700 (emphasis added)
1 usually offensive, see usage paragraph below : a black person
2 usually offensive, see usage paragraph below : a member of any dark-skinned race
3 : a member of a socially disadvantaged class of persons <it's time for somebody to lead all of America's niggers... all the people who feel left out of the political process -- Ron Dellums>
Notice that the word niggardly is older by about 129 years. Now, I'm not trying to encourage people to go around, using words offensively. (Although if they want to, that's their own issue.) What I'm saying is, stop being such whinging, PC-Nazis about the language, and let us use the words in an appropriate manner. Given the meaning of niggardly, the teacher (or, more specifically, the literature she was teaching from), could have used the word Scotch instead. (Look at Scotch [1, adjective] for what I'm talking about.)
Oops, I used the word Nazi. That's probably offensive, huh?
A commercial mission to the moon has been approved by the government.
Of course, we all know that these images will be more fakes. Yet another effort by that tricky government of our's to make everyone believe we landed on the moon!
04 September, 2002
A condom applicator that works in only three seconds.
He told the paper: "Struggling in the dark with the packaging has a tendency to dampen a man's ardour - likely to deal a fatal blow to the ego. Many guys then prefer to take chances - with the likelihood of signing a kind of death sentence."
- If it's taking an inordinate amount of time to open and apply a condom, then you (and your partner) really need to spend some time practicing this manuever.
- If you can't sustain your erection for this length of time, well...that's just kind of sad.
03 September, 2002
02 September, 2002
"Homer, the plant called. They said that if you don't come into work tomorrow, then don't bother coming in Monday."
"Whoo-hoo! Four-day weekend!"
31 August, 2002
So yesterday was my birthday. Happy birthday to me.
How did I celebrate my birthday, you ask. Well, for starters, I took the day off from work. No way was I dealing with co-workers on my birthday. I wanted to be as happy as possible.
In the interest of being purely selfish, I went to Caffeine, bought a mocha and spent too much money on used CDs.
- Spacemonkeys vs. Gorillaz - Laika Come Home
- bt - ima
- Django Reinhardt - Django Reinhardt
- Fatboy Slim - Live on Brighton Beach
- Deejay Punk Roc - Anarchy in the USA
- Propellerheads - Decksandrumsandrockandroll
Then, off to Tarzhay, where I bought absolutely boring things like a shirt, some pants, fabric softener, mouth wash, etc. I considered picking up some Crest White Strips, since I've heard such good things about them, but at $42, I just didn't want to make that kind of commitment. As I noted later on, at least I didn't buy socks. Buying socks on your birthday is a sign that you've gotten way too old.
I returned home, planning to waste time until I met my friends for dinner. Luckily, Jen got off work early, so we decided to meet at the International Spy Museum and see what it had to offer. So I loaded up my bag of tricks, drove to the Metro, and headed into beautiful downtown Washington, DC.
Sadly, the line for the Spy Museum was about 45 minutes long. Preposterous, I say. It's a beautiful Friday afternoon. Don't you people have better things to be doing?
Dismayed by the long wait, Jen and I headed to her place to wait for the rest of the crew to show up for dinner. We ended up watching Sister Act 2, with the very young Lauryn Hill and Jennifer Love Hewitt (sans her extremely nice breasts..but oh well.)
Finally, people started showing up. Too many people, in fact. Shoo! people. We have to go eat now. Through the amazing (and lead-footed) driving skills of Gary, we did make it to the Melting Pot in time for our 8 o'clock reservations. To learn about the remainder of the evening, click the MORE link. However, if you're of any relation to me, a minor, or just generally a prude...please don't!