25 July, 2002

Fatty Boombalatty

Man sues fast food companies.

The lead plaintiff, 56-year-old maintenance supervisor Caesar Barber, ate at fast-food restaurants four or five times a week and blames his fatty diet for his obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol and the two heart attacks he has suffered.

"I trace it all back to the high fat, grease and salt, all back to McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King - there was no fast food I didn't eat, and I ate it more often than not because I was single, it was quick and I'm not a very good cook," Barber said in an interview with Foxnews.com.

Seriously, this shit has gotten way out of hand. These frivolous lawsuits need to stop, and they need to stop now. Stop blaming everyone else for your lack of self-control. Is eating at fast-food restaurant four times a week making you fat? Then stop eating there! Get off your lazy ass and make your lunch at home. Too tired? Too fucking bad. When I get home, I'm tired. But I attempt to get some exercise in, make some dinner and then make my lunch for the next day. It's healthy, more economical than eating out all the time, and plus, it just feels good to cook. (Yeah, I know, I'm probably in a minority on that last one).

At least with suits against tobacco producers, there is a legitimate cause: nicotine is addictive. Really, really fucking addictive. As well, cigarettes just aren't good for you, but for years, the tobacco execs attempted to cover up this useful piece of knowledge. For the most part, anyone with a half-a-brain knows that when walking into McDonald's or Burger King, they're not exactly entering a health-food mecca. They serve fatty meats, covered with cheese and mayonnaise, and top it off with a serving of fried potatoes. And if you haven't noticed, they include a handy chart at just about every restaurant that says: these are all the bad things in our food, you've been warned.

For the most part, Subway is the only quick-serve restaurant that makes any general claims in regards to serving healthy food. And even those are for a limited selection of their menu. If you order the steak-and-cheese or meatball subs, you're (quite obviously) not getting one of the healthy ones. Burger King now offers a veggie burger in America (they've had one in Britain for quite a while). And hey, it certainly is a bit healthier for you than a regular hamburger or Whopper Junior. (Note to vegetarians: The veggie burger itself is vegetarian. It is, however, cooked in the same broiler that the meat is cooked in. Just remember that next time you order one.)

So, basically, stop pretending like you didn't know that fast-food is bad for you. Don't act like it's addictive. Unless every fast-food company is putting chemical ELP (that's Eat Like a Pig, if you didn't know) in their food, odds are you're only eating the chemicals placed in there by "the farmers" who produced the food in the first place. If there is an addiction, it's the general public's addiction to sitting on their lazy asses and not wanting to actually work for what they get. Think about this the next time you decide to just "pop over" to Taco Bell and order a couple of burritos, a taco and a gordita (with a Diet Pepsi, if you please). Or better yet, why not just go to grocery store on the way home, and pick up some pasta for lunch tomorrow.

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