23 August, 2002

Jaguar. Rowr!

Apple to release live jaguars in conjunction with release of Jaguar.

Responding to criticism from Macintosh users and consumer safety groups, Apple CEO Steve Jobs said "Boy, you people just complain about everything, don't you. '.Mac costs too much!' 'Jaguar costs too much!' 'I'm a-scared of live jaguars!'"

Jobs downplayed the danger involved in releasing jaguars in malls across the nation and denied it would be akin to setting up a giant buffet for the animals.

"Don't be a bunch of sissies!" Jobs said. "A maharishi in India taught me how to wrestle them years ago. Or maybe it was my spirit guide in the Brazilian rainforest... Well, whatever. It's easy!"

"The secret," Jobs explained slowly, "is to not let them bite you. OK?"

"Oh, and watch out for the claws, too. They're like razors. Rowr! Ha-ha!"

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