And on a different note: vibrators for all!
30 September, 2002
.Mac outage; reliability issues persist. (Be sure to read the comments after the article.)
Wow. Apparently, Apple is some great big boogey-man, trying to harm thousands of innocent netizens, in ways not even Microsoft can imagine. All because some of Apple's .mac services were unavailable Saturday night.
The two biggest complaints: 1) users were being denied their god-given right to 24/7 e-mail access and 2) users were unable to keep in touch with clients of their small businesses.
You'll have to forgive me for not feeling any sympathy for these people. According to the .Mac terms and conditions for signing up:
And to boil it down even further: 1) we do not guarantee 24/7 reliability and 2) don't use .Mac for your business needs. What can be so hard to understand about that? Try actually reading your service agreement when you sign up for something.
The problem lies in the people who are already out for blood, talking about lawsuits against Apple for the heinous and criminal act of not having e-mail available at the drop of a hat.
Awww, what's wrong? Expecting an e-mail from that hot chick in accounting that you've been drooling over for the last three months? Is the message from Publisher's Clearinghouse confirming your $10 million prize just languishing on Apple's servers? Is some client's order for 10,000 widgets not going to be fulfilled because you can't sync with .Mac?
Guess what, Dorothy? We don't care. You might care. There might be a couple of hundred people who do care. But we don't. By we, I mean the 99.5% of users who either have something better to do while waiting for the servers to come back to life, or who don't rely on the internet for gratification.
Hell, when the servers went down Saturday night, I was hanging out at a friends' house. That, or watching some TV at my place. I sure as hell wasn't fretting over not being able to check my bloody mac.com e-mail!
To be a bit more blunt: If a server is down, find something else to do, fuckwad. There are literally millions of other computers on the internet that you can interface with. Perhaps one of them will keep you entertained for a little while. Or better yet, Sparky, why don't you try going the fuck outside! Or read a book. Or talk to a real, live human being. Pet your cat and/or dog. Shit, why don't you just go to sleep? The human body needs sleep. And hey, maybe you'll dream about the hot chick from accounting...because that sure-as-hell is the closest you'll ever get to her.
28 September, 2002
Just saw a commercial for a new movie, Knockaround Guys. And really, I'm torn, because of who is in it. Compare the pros:
Oh wait, I listed Seth Green twice. But damnit, he's just that cool. Now the cons:
I suppose I will end up seeing it, and hope that I can block mesr. Diesel out of my line of sight.
27 September, 2002
Seriously, it's all about proofreading, people. Think about what you've just typed, and ask yourself, "does it have any other meanings than what I was expecting?" From my messages page on amazon.com:
Just read an interesting op-ed piece included in Jenny's blog.
I must whole-heartedly agree with the assessment that Dubya just doesn't know when to quit. When things are going wrong, you really need to re-assess the situation, and make some strategic changes.
Let's take a look at something as simple as speech. You've probably seen the clip of Dubya speaking to a group in Tennessee, where he uttered this little doozy:
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me...uhhh...fool..um...a fooled man can't be fooled again!"
Now, what he was going for, of course, was "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". A pretty good sentiment, all in all. However, even though he knew he was fucking it up, did he stop? No, not George Bush. He instead valiantly trapses on, tacking on whatever the hell he wants to, as if he was going to somehow save face with this tactic.
I wouldn't have thought twice if he had stopped, and started over again, this time getting the phrase right. I know that when I'm talking, I often backtrack, in hopes of getting what I'm saying right. (In fact, this is why I prefer using the internet for communication. I can hit the bloody backspace key and remove my mistakes.)
There are, I'm sure, so many other, more important examples of this behaviour. But damnit, something so simple as this should really be ringing alarm bells along the way.
Actually, not even two days, and I've already screwed around with the design. But at least not major changes. Ultimately, I just didn't want to abandon the most recent comments section. It's such a convenient way to be able to check if people are bothering to leave any comments.
Some notes about the design:
- I've resized the cow pictures from 106px to 100px wide. This means that if you have some of the cows in your cache, they're probably still 106px wide, and will run over into the blog section. You have two choices: Hit shift-reload a lot; clear your cache; or just not worry about it.
Three choices. You have three choices! The nature of which I have divulged in my previous paragraph.
- The left- and right-hand sides should stay in place, while the content in the middle moves up and down. Much like frames, except I use absolute and fixed positioning in style sheets to create the effect. This means:
- Some browsers display everything correctly. I use Mozilla as my primary browser, and not coincidentally, Mozilla displays the pages correctly.
- For some, the left and right sides stay in place, but when you move up and down, the graphics "stutter". It's somewhat difficult to describe, but basically what happens is that the empty space underneath "Jibba Jabba" might end up filled with pieces of the "Jibba Jabba" graphic, or the "Periodic Table of Links" graphic. If you switch windows, it will clear up (until you move the scroll bar up and down again). Why this happens is beyond me. Why this should happen in certain browsers, whose rendering engines are the same as other browsers that do work, is also a mystery. Let's just hope that future releases will fix the problem.
- Some browsers just can't handle positioning, so everything moves up and down. Obviously, not that big of a deal.
- Older browsers (such as Netscape 4.x, which I sadly must deal with at work) just can't handle it at all. The page looks like complete and utter crap. And you know what? Those browsers are worth approximately one pair of fetid dingo's kidneys to me. If you're using one, I suggest you read the next bullet:
- Browsers with style sheets turned off or that have little need for true CSS support (such as Lynx), will not have the most visually appealing experience, but all of the content will be there. Everything should be laid out in such a manner that none of the text is hidden or in funky places. This is what happens when you have to code to Section 508 standards at work, you end up creating (somewhat) accessible websites on your own.
- For the most part, the "Miscellaneous Debris" logo on the right is a place holder. Sooner or later either I or someone else will come up with something I really like, and I'll got with that.
26 September, 2002
Fun fact for today:
[Everything You Know Is Wrong, page 288]
Also: a quiz
25 September, 2002
I would like to thank everyone for their input on my site redesign. Naturally, I threw everything away and started over from scratch!
Well, I did start over from scratch, but kept the good stuff. I still need to add the rest of the links up top. And figure out if I want to add the "Powered By..." section (probably not on the main page).
But anyways, this feels less...cramped to me. Not so boxed in. So start taking bets on how long it takes me to do yet another redesign. :-)
P.S.: The rest of the site will change over in the next day or so
Seriously, these people need to get laid.
The latter recently was placed strategically on a replica of Michelangelo's classic statue of David, which had stood nude atop a sporting goods store in the town of Shenandoah.
The Republican Leadership Council is continuing a boycott of the Buca di Beppo restaurant in the same shopping center because it has photos of nude statues and paintings.
I feel like I'm repeating myself, but:
It's called a body. We all have one. Get over it.
Sometimes, I really wonder what these people do in the bedroom. (No, I don't mean like fantasizing about it, you pervs.) But I'm just curious if these people are the kind who push the twin beds together, turn out the lights, take off their clothes (but probably not their socks), and have quick and efficient sex, missionary position, for five minutes, in the hopes of creating a(nother) child? They just sound like the most boring people in the world, and would probably look at you like horns were growing out of your head if you suggested something as kinky as doggie-style or, heaven forfend, oral sex.
24 September, 2002
What's the difference between a joke and an insult?
A joke is aimed at someone else.
"I think if they want to protest movies, there are a lot of other movies to protest that do a lot more damage to the black community," Lee said. "There are strong images and more egregious affronts to (blacks)."
As for whether the producers, director, writers, stars, etc did something wrong...*shrug* I suspect it falls under the category of jest, and as the article states, the other characters condemn the speaker for being disrespectful. This is the sort of writing that used to fall under the category of humor, possibly even political humor. Now it seems as though not towing the line will get you a reprimand and demands to cut the offending scene out of future releases. So remember kids: freedom of speech is a-okay, as long as you don't say anything unpopular.
23 September, 2002
From a Washington Post article:
You know, if I was a small country or terrorist organization, and I was thinking about unleasing smallpox against the Western world, I sure as hell would not release a stock version of the virus. I would have my scientists working around the clock to genetically modify the original smallpox so that it's just as dealy, if not even more so, but that the standard vaccine would be worthless against it. Why would I waste time preparing a biological attack that my enemy can put up safeguards against?
And yes, sometimes it scares me that I think of these things. And sometimes it scares me that other people don't.
22 September, 2002
20 September, 2002
19 September, 2002
Your pirate name is:
Black James Flint
Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!
18 September, 2002
17 September, 2002
To quote Jay: Fuck fuck mother mother fuck fuck!
A Hollywood adaptation of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is in the works. I just know that this is going to suck on so many levels. One of the charms of the original BBC radio production and television program is that it was just a bit cheesy. (Okay, it was a lot cheesy.)
But Bob knows that they're going to do everything they can to modernize it. CGI effects. Huge sets. Overpriced actors. I mean, look who they've picked to direct and write:
Kirkpatrick previously wrote "Chicken Run," "The Road to El Dorado," "James and the Giant Peach" and "Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves."
Mercifully, Douglas Adams penned the original screenplay, so there's less chance of Kirkpatrick completely screwing it up. But damn, I'm certain he will try with all his might to do so.
kay, I thought it was fairly difficult being a vegan when I was one. No meat. No dairy. No eggs. Usually not too much problem when eating at home, but eating out was a big pain. However, all of that pales in comparison to keeping kosher. Wow.
They do not, however, explain kosher pickles.
16 September, 2002
There is no longer anything sacred. Some asshat has developed a machine that will emboss words on a pizza crust. So now, the fine consumers of the world can enjoy an advertisement on their fucking pizza, while they're trying to eat. As if there aren't enough advertisements on the box. Or the napkins. Or the bottle of soda that came with it. No, we have to be subjected to yet one more fucking ad.
I must have missed the meeting. You know, the meeting where it was decided that every possible square inch of a product being sold should contain usable advertising space.
I say they're really missing out, here. All those pepperonis? Think of them as little, cross-promotional billboards. They could be like Burma Shave:
From all your grief
Just imagine the limitless possibilities once we get nanotechnology down pat. All of that cheese could do something besides just sitting there, waiting to burn your mouth. It could become like unto an artist's canvas, displaying a message about how you, the lucky pizza consumer, can save $3 if you come down to the restaurant for Family Nite™ next Tuesday.
My only consolation is that this machine is being marketed to places like Pizza Hut, and other such crappy places. All the more reason to not eat their horrid "food" again.
13 September, 2002
Kopi Luwak coffee. Now, I'm not normally a big coffee drinker, except for frou-frou espresso drinks, but damn, sign me up for this:
Best of all? You get to pay $600 per pound for this coffee. $600!
I'll make you a deal. You pay me just $300, and I'll personally run some coffee berries through my lower GI tract, so you can get that nutty flavor you so desperately desire in your coffee.
Have I mentioned lately exactly how stupid I think people are? Because really, I think anyone clamoring for a cup of this shit (pardon the pun) needs to be shot, as well as any offspring they might have.
12 September, 2002
British American scientists have figured out how to grow test-tube penises.
There are so many things I could say here.
Bad Viagra jokes.
Flesh Textured Dildos.
But I'll leave that as an exercise for the readers.
Okay, enough of that. I hope everyone appreciated yesterday's sentiment.
All in all, a good September 11th Patriot Day. I managed to stay almost completely media-free, except for about ten seconds at dinner, plus an article I read on Salon, "Forbidden Thoughts about 9/11".
I was, however, a good little consumer and purchased a digital camera. (Hey now, I've been planning on getting one for quite a while now...wasn't some boost-the-economy-love-the-country kind of purchase.) Naturally I present to you a picture of my cat, Courage.
11 September, 2002
And, Riff Regan is listed as Moloch's daughter. Wasn't that the character Curry was going to play? (Riff was the original Willow, as seen in the unaired pilot.)
However, Bill Murray is now listed as playing Mordag the Destroyer. Hrm.
All in all, weird stuff.
10 September, 2002
Tomorrow being September 11th, we here at the Department of Justice are going to be sure to follow proper security procedures. To wit, here is an excerpt from a memo sent out this afternoon:
1) All employees should wear their Department of Justice (DOJ) ID badges externally while they are in DOJ controlled office space. (Remember to remove your ID badge upon leaving the building.) Personnel found in a controlled area not wearing a DOJ ID badge or temporary pass should be challenged and required to provide adequate verification that they either work in the facility or are an authorized visitor sponsored by a DOJ employee;
Notice the emphasis up there. Who the hell is wearing their ID badge internally?!?!
So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this badge up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the badge. I hid this uncomfortable piece of plastic up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the badge to you.
Got this from TV Guide:
Anybody know what's up with this? Wacky Halloween episode, per chance?
09 September, 2002
08 September, 2002
Learn logic with Beavis & Butthead:
Equivocation means many things, but is often taken to mean using a word in a different sense to that which was intended. In fact the word "equivocation" is pretty equivocal.
(Beavis, under the influence of a music video, is "dancing" on the sofa.)
Butthead: Get down, Beavis!
Beavis : I am getting down!
07 September, 2002
Made some changes to how the site looks. Various archive views are available under the Archives link. Added a link to some stats produced by Sawmill. (Still working on making them look like the rest of the site.)
Most importantly, though, is that I've switched all of the files over to PHP. The <$MTInclude$> tag just wasn't cutting it, especially for including modules in the different archives. Plus, by having my navigation bar module as an index file, and then including it through a PHP call, I save on CPU overhead when it comes time to rebuild. And quite frankly, only other geeks will find this at all interesting.
So be aware that stuff might be broken. Particularly in terms of links from outside sites, such as search engines. It'll take a while before they all crawl through again and start caching files. But for the most part, I think the changes will be largely transparent to you, my loyal reader.
Leave any comments in the suggestion box.
06 September, 2002
That is amazingly cool, actually.
I mean, I can't see this becoming the "future of music", but for those who love the past, it could be a godsend. Consider the staggering number of vinyl records in existence. Now consider how many of them have actually been released in a digital format. My guess is less than 60%. Probably less than 40% for "legitimate" releases, but there are people out there carefully digitizing their old 78s and putting them out in the wild for people to download.
The biggest problem with this process is that for many albums, there are no masters. After 50+ years, it can be difficult to keep track of some of these things. It's not uncommon to hear a CD where the best example of a song came from an old record, complete with various hisses, pops and scratches. You can digitally edit these, and even attempt some noise reduction, but the quality always suffers.
Add to this the problem that every time you play a record, you're causing just a little more damage to the grooves. I don't know if this digitization process can be properly refined, but the potential is out there. You find an old album, scan it in (subjecting it to nothing more harmful than 30 seconds of light), put the album away, and then start digitizing.
I doubt we'll ever achieve sonic perfection with this process, and many great recordings are going to be doomed to crappy reproductions. But at least this is a step in the right direction in terms of preservation.
No love-thy-neighbor, isn't-life-great-because-of-god quotes here. Just good old fashion god-is-pissed-at-you quotes.
05 September, 2002
In Wilmington, NC, a 4th grade teacher was reprimanded for using the word niggardly in her class. The complaint is that "it sounds similar to a racial slur."
Similar to a racial slur?! There are a lot of words that sound similar to nigger. Hell, there are a lot of words that sound similar to cunt, fag, kike, and chink. As crazy as it sounds, some of those words I've just listed have other meanings, besides the offensive. Shall we take all words with the potential to offend out of common usage as well?
Bear with me, because I'm about to get a bit radical. But let's see what the dictionary has to say about these words:
Main Entry: nig-gard-ly
Date: 1571 (emphasis added)
1 : grudgingly mean about spending or granting : BEGRUDGING
2 : provided in meanly limited supply
Main Entry: nig-ger
Etymology: alteration of earlier neger, from Middle French negre, from Spanish or Portuguese negro, from negro black, from Latin niger
Date: 1700 (emphasis added)
1 usually offensive, see usage paragraph below : a black person
2 usually offensive, see usage paragraph below : a member of any dark-skinned race
3 : a member of a socially disadvantaged class of persons <it's time for somebody to lead all of America's niggers... all the people who feel left out of the political process -- Ron Dellums>
Notice that the word niggardly is older by about 129 years. Now, I'm not trying to encourage people to go around, using words offensively. (Although if they want to, that's their own issue.) What I'm saying is, stop being such whinging, PC-Nazis about the language, and let us use the words in an appropriate manner. Given the meaning of niggardly, the teacher (or, more specifically, the literature she was teaching from), could have used the word Scotch instead. (Look at Scotch [1, adjective] for what I'm talking about.)
Oops, I used the word Nazi. That's probably offensive, huh?
A commercial mission to the moon has been approved by the government.
Of course, we all know that these images will be more fakes. Yet another effort by that tricky government of our's to make everyone believe we landed on the moon!
04 September, 2002
A condom applicator that works in only three seconds.
He told the paper: "Struggling in the dark with the packaging has a tendency to dampen a man's ardour - likely to deal a fatal blow to the ego. Many guys then prefer to take chances - with the likelihood of signing a kind of death sentence."
- If it's taking an inordinate amount of time to open and apply a condom, then you (and your partner) really need to spend some time practicing this manuever.
- If you can't sustain your erection for this length of time, well...that's just kind of sad.
03 September, 2002
02 September, 2002
"Homer, the plant called. They said that if you don't come into work tomorrow, then don't bother coming in Monday."
"Whoo-hoo! Four-day weekend!"