18 September, 2002

Followup: Kopi Luwak

Remember kopi luwak, the coffee made from animal droppings? Uncle Cecil explains the phenomenon, as well as how it relates to perfume.

Some people have expressed skepticism that kopi luwak consists entirely of pre-eaten beans, and from a quality-control standpoint it's hard to imagine what you would do to guarantee 100 percent authenticity. But I cherish the thought of some yuppie complaining that his coffee isn't pure shit....


  1. 1.Okay...I'm getting suspicious now about 'Milk Duds' and 'Goobers'. What exactly *is* a 'Dud'? 2.

    I've decided how to make my fortune. I'm going to market a brand of coffee called "KL Free". All the full body and allure of genuine Kopi Luwak coffee, without the digestive unpleasantness. In other words, ordinary coffee, but still priced at $110 per pound. Then I'll start a nasty rumor that these animals are being horribly mistreated -- forcefed coffee beans in order to boost production -- given unnatural chemicals in order to make them poop more frequently -- and housed in terribly small cages so they won't escape.

    Then I'll whisper in a few ears that KL Free is the politically correct alternative to Kopi Luwak, because no animals are abused in its production. Heck, I'll give 10% of my revenue to pro-luwak causes!

    Pretty soon, the commie pinko coffee snob establishment will be all over my product, and I'll get rich by selling Maxwell House at a 2000% mark-up...

  2. ...better yet, I'll just poop out my own coffee beans. Kopi Heath coffee.

    I figure the satisfaction I'll get from having them drink my poop is worth more than money.