16 September, 2002


There is no longer anything sacred. Some asshat has developed a machine that will emboss words on a pizza crust. So now, the fine consumers of the world can enjoy an advertisement on their fucking pizza, while they're trying to eat. As if there aren't enough advertisements on the box. Or the napkins. Or the bottle of soda that came with it. No, we have to be subjected to yet one more fucking ad.

I must have missed the meeting. You know, the meeting where it was decided that every possible square inch of a product being sold should contain usable advertising space.

I say they're really missing out, here. All those pepperonis? Think of them as little, cross-promotional billboards. They could be like Burma Shave:

Feeling quesy
From something
So cheesy?
Find relief
From all your grief
Pepcid AC

Just imagine the limitless possibilities once we get nanotechnology down pat. All of that cheese could do something besides just sitting there, waiting to burn your mouth. It could become like unto an artist's canvas, displaying a message about how you, the lucky pizza consumer, can save $3 if you come down to the restaurant for Family Nite™ next Tuesday.

My only consolation is that this machine is being marketed to places like Pizza Hut, and other such crappy places. All the more reason to not eat their horrid "food" again.

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