31 October, 2002

Tougher Than Leather

My iPod currently plays some Run DMC in tribute to Jam Master Jay.

Dance Dance

Why not get funky?


Oh, I'll be uncommonly nice and warn you that it's NSFW.


Once again, FoxTrot proves to be a quality cartoon:

FoxTrot for 31 Oct 02

(click to see the full-sized image, plus homepage)

30 October, 2002


First, a disclaimer: I don't do this sort of thing professionally. Everything I list below might be entirely wrong. I take no responsibility if you use this information as gospel, without researching it on your own. Got that? Good.

This is what I've learned after researching the whole election/electoral college thing, using data from a few government sites.

Under the electoral college:

  • There are 538 electoral votes up for grabs.
  • Of these, 270 are needed to win.
  • The top 11 states will bring in the needed 270 votes. These include CA, NY, TX, FL, PA, IL, OH, MI, NJ and NC, plus either VA or GA.
  • There were 116,536,000 (57,777,007) voters in these 11 states.
  • Under the "winner claims all" policy, 58,384,536 (28,946,281) votes would give a candidate all 270 votes.
  • This is a mere 28.4% (14.1%) of the voter population.

Under the popular vote:

  • There were 205,815,000 (105,586,274) votes up for grabs.
  • A simple majority (50.1%) of the votes needed: 103,113,315 (52,898,723).
  • A mere 25.7% of the eligible voters could elect the president.

Just to make some sense, the big numbers in bold represent the eligible voters, while the number next to them, (in parantheses), represent the actual turnout in the 2000 election.

Basically, under the electoral college, 28.9 million people could elect the president. Which is kinda frightening. Voter apathy, of course, could cause this to happen in a popular election. I realize this, and hence some of my concerns in my previous entry.

Download my data as an Excel spreadsheet, and figure out whether or not I'm smoking crack while looking at this stuff. (Yes, I know, Excel is evil. But easy to use.)

Voting figures are based on the 2000 election. Population based on 2000 census. Electoral votes based on 1997 data. Voter turnout for 2000 was approximately 51.3%

Election Reform

Things I would do if I could change how elections work in America:

  1. Make election day a paid holiday. Many people can't afford to take time off work to go vote.
  2. Provide two days of polling. Make sure that people and businesses can arrange their schedules to let as many people vote as possible.
  3. Allow absolutely no results to be released until the polls have closed on the second day. Why go vote when you already know the outcome?
  4. Offer an incentive to vote. Yeah, the ability to elect your leaders and decide important referenda should be enough incentive, but obviously that's not working. So, allow everyone who votes to get a tax credit.
  5. Allow "none of the above", or no confidence, choices on the ballots. There aren't too many things worse than having to choose between two shitty candidates. Unless it's having only one shitty candidate.
  6. When a person is released from prison, restore their voting rights. If they've "paid their debt to society", why shouldn't they be allowed to vote again?
  7. Make it easier for third- (and fourth-, fifth-, sixth-) party candidates to get on the ballot. Yeah, they might be crackpots, but if it's what the people want, it's what the people deserve.
  8. Abolish the electoral college. No more of this "swing state" crap. If you want to run for president, you should have to reach out and connect with all of America, not just a handful of states.

29 October, 2002

Government Oversight

Hold on to your hats: California congressman Mike Honda wants to give the FDA the power "to add candy warning labels and pull the most dangerous sweets off store shelves", in part because some children choked on gel candies.

The FDA -- the agency responsible for food safety -- would establish an office of Choking Hazard Evaluation. Currently, the agency does not test any food sold in the United States for choking dangers, despite the fact that thousands more children choke on food than on toys each year.

Oooh, yes! Please please PLEASE Mr. Congressman, please expand the size of the government some more. Honestly, I'm just not paying enough in taxes each year, I'd like to pay more so that a group of people can figure out whether or not certain food constitutes a choking hazard. Sadly, someone beat me to the pithy quote for this:

"All foods are intended to be placed in the mouth and, therefore, all foods have some potential for choking,'' the letter stated.

Let's imagine some future warning labels on our food products:

  • Warning: These eggs are tasty, conveniently sized, and relatively inexpensive. But please, do not attempt to re-create the scene in Cool Hand Luke where Paul Newman eats fifty hard-boiled eggs.
  • Caution: Setting your toaster oven on high may cause this bread to burn.
  • Attention: Peas represent an attractive nuisance. Children may attempt to insert peas into their noise. Please keep all peas away from cribs and young children.
  • Danger: Eating the food contained within this package may result in the following: choking, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, diabetes, migraines, cancer, gout, scurvy, heartburn, plague, salmonella, blurred vision, hyperactivity, hypothermia, brain freeze, tunnel vision, carpal tunnel syndrome, arthritis, mononucleosis, smallpox, cowpox, chicken pox, a pox upon your family, influenza, rockin' pneumonia, boogie-woogie blues, shakes, shivers, palsy, hair loss, hair growth, loss of life, loss of limb, kidney failure, appendicitis, tonsilitis, hernia, low sperm count, ovarian cysts, hemorrhoids, pregnancy, hysterical pregnancy, fever, chills, temperature stasis, dehydration, over-hydration and/or muscle spasms. Please avoid eating this food at all costs.


I really need to stop taking these quizzes, and write something with substance. But oh well, here we go:


Your Secret Fetish Is Piercings!
Not only is the pain a big rush, as you know, piercings are a great sexual enhancer. Sure, you may not be able to get a job with your punctured face, but you will have incredible sex! Kiss and suck away, but don't get your piercings locked with your lover's.

What's *Your* Secret Fetish? Click Here to Find Out!

Huge shock, I know.

24 October, 2002


Today's brush with fame: I work just 2 blocks from the jail where it looks like the suspects in the sniper attacks are going to be held. I drove out for lunch today, and the corrections facility is completely blocked off, with bunches of satellite trucks parked on the ground. Exciting stuff.

23 October, 2002

Women's Health

Do we really need this man to be chairman of the Food and Drug Administration's panel on women's health policy:

Although Hager is the editor of a book that includes the essay "Using the Birth Control Pill is Ethically Unacceptable," he told Maureen Dowd of The New York times he does not agree with the essay. Then why include it? He does not prescribe contraceptives for single women, does not do abortions, will not prescribe RU-486 and will not insert IUDs. Hager also believes headaches, PMS and eating disorders can be cured by reading Scripture. I do not want this man in charge of my health policy.

Or even to sit on the panel?

Molly Ivins has more on the topic.
And, an article from CBS news.
Or...read his book.

22 October, 2002

Election Day

Well, election is day is just around the corner. Remember to get out and vote, motherfucker! Of course, in most states, it's entirely too late to register. Some nice midwestern states, like North Dakota and Minnesota (I believe), allow you to register on election day itself. Just walk up with your driver's license, and you're good to go. Wow, what a concept! Letting people who are legally able to vote. . . . vote.

So, we'll assume you've registered, and that you're willing to vote. Now, you need to be prepared. An uninformed voter might as well stay home, for all the good he or she will do. Head out to DemocracyNet, and check out the races in your area. All you need is your zip code. How hard is that?

At this point, I've gone through all of the candidates running for the Senate for the find state commonwealth of Virginia. Let's see what the political machine has to offer this year:

  • Republicans: John Warner goes for term number five. Ho hum. I'm sure he's been stellar for the last 24 years, but politics should not be a life. Serve your constituents, then move on.
  • Democrats: Surprise, surprise, the democrats aren't even putting someone up against Warner. This is the travesty of the two-party system. "Oh, we're going to lose...let's not bother to give the people a choice". Way to fucking go, dems. Why not make it even easier for yourselves, and merge the parties?
  • Libertarian: Jacob Hornberger, pretty much the de facto Libertarian candidate, although he lists himself as an independent
  • LaRouche Democrat: I can hear you all know..."the hell?!" But yeah, check out Nancy Spannaus. Admittedly, a little too far off-centre for me.

Ultimately, I don't agree 100% with any of these candidate's ideas. That's just not going to happen, unless I run for office myself. (And who's going to vote for a mysanthropic, chaos-lover such as myself?) But for the most part, I tend to agree with Hornberger's policies. (There ya go, you've got the jgumby.com endorsement! And all ten people who read this will know about you, Mr. Hornberger.) At least, more than Warner or Spannaus. To quote Hornberger:

Individuals have a moral right to live their lives peacefully, even if they choose to do so in a self-destructive manner.

It's kind of sad that there are no major "hot-button" issues to get voters to rally around. Yeah, there's the war with Iraq, but it's just not getting people foaming at the mouth like it should. I remember back in 1994, when Ollie North decided to run for Senate. It actually made my dad go out and register, just so he could vote against him. Nearly 40 years of not-voting, turned around because of who was running. Why can't we have that now?

Even better would just be voters who gave a damn, of course. But that ain't going to happen.

The Most Dreaded Enemy of Liberty

Of all the enemies to liberty war is, perhaps, the most to be dreaded, because it comprises and develops the germ of every other. War is the parent of armies; from these proceed debts and taxes; and armies, and debts, and taxes are the known instruments for bringing the many under the domination of the few. In war, too, the discretionary power of the Executive is extended; its influence in dealing out offices, honors, and emoluments is multiplied; and all the means of seducing the minds, are added to those of subduing the force, of the people.
-James Madison

21 October, 2002

I Wonder...

...how many people are going to, in some way, link to this Doonesbury strip?

At least one, obviously.

Death By Interlocking Blocks

Legodeath: A Museum of Horrors

The only thing that bothers me about this, is that all of the victims have smiles on their faces. You'd think they would be a bit unhappy about the whole dying thing.

18 October, 2002

Blogito Ergo Sum

I blog, therefore I am.

But after that, what?

Is this my life? My existence? To only be known for my inane writings, floating through the ether? Is this the mark I, and others like me, are going to leave on history? Only the most emphemeral of impressions, compared to the length of history?

Fun With Science

The birth control patch.

I really want to get ahold of a bunch of these. Then go around and "sterilize" people for a week.

The first rule of project mayhem, is that you do not ask questions.
The second rule of project mayhem, is that you do not ask questions.

17 October, 2002


From mutts.rutgers.edu


Biting, usually a good thing. In fact, quite fun.

But not in this case.


Good: Commemorating those who died in a bombing.
Bad: Not checking the advertisement at the bottom of the page.

Harry Potter

Lord VoldemortAs Lord Voldemort, you are extremely intelligent, talented and brilliant. One minor drawback though... you are the personification of all evil. Although you have a clear understanding of moral issues, you prefer to take the more murderous or destructive option. Your strong powers of leadership attracts people, but for all the wrong reasons. Your favourite past-time of blowing up people does not go down well with the neighbours.

I am Voldemort

16 October, 2002

Another Kinda of Poll

The Iraqis have spoken, and they have said.....yes.

All 11,445,638 of the eligible voters cast ballots, said Izzat Ibrahim, vice chairman of the Revolutionary Command Council that is Iraq's key decision-making body.

Eleven million.
Four-hundred, forty-five thousand.
Six-hundred, thirty-eight.

11,445,638 eligible voters in the country of Iraq. Every single one of them voted. Every single one of them voted 'yes'.

And the state of Florida can't even get a primary right.

Take This Job

and shove it.

Tokyo Breakfast

Extremely offensive: Tokyo breakfast (approx 13M)

No nudity, but language can be an issue.

What am I saying? Language is an issue! Wear headphones if you're at work.

15 October, 2002


I am just back with a motherfucking vengeance, today!

Okay, I will say this now. The following link is REALLY FUCKING NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!! Do not follow this link at work if there is the slightest chance you will get in trouble for having pr0n, or anything remotely questionable, on your computer screen. (The link is hosted on stileproject.com...that should be enough of a warning right there.)

That being said, check out a video of some moron stapling his fucking nuts to his leg.

Also, the tattoo at the end...very appropriate.

Serious Issues, Silly Name

Interesting article about why a christian watches Buffy.

Also, the TV Gal's spoilers for both Buffy and Angel:


More proof that American TV sucks ass compared to the rest of the world.

Last night's programme showed the two women topless in bed together and hinted at them performing sex acts on each other.

Given the choice of watching a fairly pedestrian situation comedy that explores no new ground, or watching an historical teleplay that features breasts (and, yes, lesbians for those guys out there who get a big stiffy at the merest hint of two women touching each other), guess which one I'm going to choose?

Dude, You're Getting the Boot

(And not that kind of boot)

Looks like Dell is going to let Steven go. I know I'm saddened by that.

"We're trying to look at some alternatives," said Dell spokesman Bob Kaufman, who said the company is currently airing ads that feature a group of eager interns. "We test ran some of the interns spots during the summer and got some positive reactions."

This is usually the point where I would say something about scooping out my eyes instead of having to watch more of this drivel. However, the female intern is quite hot, so I'm not going to. My libido has spoken.

Tick Tock

Only eight more years.


[I realize I've been fairly slack lately, in keeping people apprised of the events of the world in which we live. So, let me try to fix that.]

Neither Wal-Mart, Toys R Us nor KB Toys will carry Acclaim's latest video game, "BMX XXX".

"We're not going to carry any software with any vulgarity or nudity -- we're just not going to do it," Wal-Mart spokesman Tom Williams told Reuters.

Wow, big shock right there. And Wally World is usually a bastion of freedom and openness. Of course, maybe we should hear from Acclaim about their product:

A promotional video clip first bills "BMX XXX" as a "game of cultural sophistication and artistic aspiration" then launches into a hard-rocking montage of clips, including bike tricks and shots of strippers in action. The video ends with the admonition: "We're going to hell for this and you're all coming with us."

I think Kid Rock would be proud.

13 October, 2002


And then I had what alcoholics refer to as 'a moment of clarity'.

12 October, 2002

After the Wedding

Nick sleeping
This is Nick, by the way. Isn't he just so kyooooot?!

10 October, 2002

Tell Me a Story

A little something for the smart kids.

Erewhile there existed a jejune hoyden, who had secured the veneration of all, even those who had espied her for merely a singular discrete trice. Her consanguinities comprehended, among others, an enate predecessor, possessing the prosaic appellation of grandmother, and via the largess of this clement crone, she procured a Lilliputian capote, with a most vermilion capuche, whence her winsome sobriquet, "Little Red Riding Hood", was so engendered.


I love Krispy Kreme doughnuts. A lot. But not this much. Maybe I'm spoiled, but I'm not going to wait in line for two days for a doughnut. It's not like the store will only be open for a week, so get your doughnuts while you can.

Also, this guy:

"I don't like doughnuts, to be quite honest," said John Kristofak, a member of the Central Connecticut State University jazz band that was asked to play for the ribbon cutting ceremony. "I just want coffee. I don't need any lard."

is an idiot. Check out the nutritonal info for the original glazed. The only lard is probably in your ass, jazz-boy.

07 October, 2002

Fun Fact #3

Today's fun fact:

It's national squirrel awareness week.

06 October, 2002

04 October, 2002

Yet More Testing

Currently trying out the latest version of Kung-Log, 1.4.2. Looks pretty good so far. It seems to behave more like it should, considering that it designed for use with Moveable Type. Finally gives me the option to toggle things like "Allow comments" and "Convert line breaks". If only I could use this at work.

Hot or Not

Doing this for validation: Is my Blog HOT or NOT?

And no, not my own, personal validation. I'm not quite that sad.

01 October, 2002

Waking Up

SinfestYet another typical morning in my house.

Hopefully, the artist behind Sinfest will not be too mad about the use of his strip. I highly encourage everyone to go read this comic. Now.

Stop dawdling.

Seriously, click the link.

Don't read any more of this.

Go. Enjoy the funny.