31 December, 2002

Bite My Shiny, Metal Ass

god needs booze

Futurama is coming to Cartoon Network's Adult Swim as of next Sunday (January 12th) at 11:00PM. Whoo-hoo!

In other news, my cat has figured out that the toilet is really nothing more than a big, bottomless water bowl. And check out this action shot of Courage doing her house on haunted hill impression.

Consume

Me want:

Ferocious bunny

Fini

The end of an era.

30 December, 2002

Reading

i've gone from a history of hip-hop (yes yes, y'all), to an s&m memoir (i was a teenage dominatrix), and now on to the harry potter books.

this speaks volumes (pardon the pun) about me, i think.

Time Waster

I almost feel guilty sitting at my desk work, iPod headphones clamped firmly to my ears, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone open in front of me, hand on a bottle of Mountain Dew, completely ignoring the people around me and the workload waiting for me.

Almost.

American Culture

From the nice people at PopMatters: Ten Reasons Why American Culture Didn't Suck in 2002 . . . And Ten Reasons Why It Did. Including a nice philippic about Eminem's homophobia.

29 December, 2002

eMpTyV

MTV continues to suck. Instead of playing more videos, they are going to concentrate on ten videos to show throughout the week. Which I guess sounds about right. In between the Real World, Road Rules, the Osbournes and everything else they show, there really is only time for ten videos.

25 December, 2002

Ruff Translations

The Bowlingual. "Translates" what your dog is saying.

I wonder if it knows "I'm a sycophantic yes-man who drinks out of the toilet and licks your face when you get home"?

23 December, 2002

22 December, 2002

Open Letter (#2)

Dear FOX,

The football game ran long. As usual. I've pretty much given up on ever seeing the regularly scheduled 7:00PM, Sunday TV show. At least until the season is over.

But instead of showing the new episode of Futurama at 7:30, you insist on showing a "classic" episode of King of the Hill. What, exactly, is the sense in this?

Signed,
Me

P.S. You continue to suck.

P.P.S. You have elevated the art of sucking to never-before seen levels. Congratulations.

21 December, 2002

Wackly Web Logs

At work, one of my numerous responsibilities is running WebTrends on our logs and generating reports for our various components. Aside from some general annoyances at first, once things were up, running and automated, I didn't think much about them.

20 December, 2002

Family Guy

It's amazing what you never notice while watching TV. For instance, I just read an article about Hasbro and their new licensing deal with some film company. And what did I learn? That the toy factory that Peter worked in, on Family Guy, was an allusion to Hasbro.

I wonder if Seth MacFarlane worked there at some point in his life?

Which is Which?

Two sets of dummies

"Wow, they're just so amazingly life like. How do they do...oh! The ones in the back? Are you sure?"
[ The rest of the story ]

19 December, 2002

Dubya

Amusing: dubyadubyadubya.com.

Ten points if you can spot the irony.

18 December, 2002

Faulty Logic

In the last two years, the following has happened to my car:

  • Alternator died on trip to my parents. Luckily, was able to get the battery charged long enough to get me to the nearest Saturn dealer.
  • Replacement alternator dies. Luckily, under warranty, so all I pay for is towing.
  • Rocker arm breaks. $1,000 later, it's fixed, and car runs again.
  • Bought a new set of tires. Nail in road punctures front-right tire. As I'm walking from the car to Subway, I hear a lovely hissing noise.
  • Engine floods, due to bad sensors. More towing. More money.
  • Today, front-right tire is flat. Yet another trip to Costco's tire center.

So far, everything that has happened, besides the first alternator problem, I have discovered on my way to lunch. Therefore, I figure if I never go out for lunch again (or at least not drive), my car will run perfectly.

Current Mood: Mushroom-cloud-laying motherfucker

Blame Canada?

No, blame Florida! Disneyland is demanding that Florida's new high-speed bullet train not stop at other theme parks.

Or to simplify things: Disneyland wants the state of Florida (in other words, its taxpayers), to build a high-speed train to go from Disneyland to Orlando International Airport.

Does anyone else see a problem with this?

What Ben Missed

Previously, I posted a link to Ben Stein's article about how to ruin American enterprise. One of the things that Mr. Stein forgot, though, was allowing the US Patent Office to issue frivolous patents. Take, for instance, AOL, which has just successfully taken out a patent on....instant messaging.

"THE CLAIM is it's a system where you have a network; you have a way to monitor who's on the network; and if you want to talk to them you hook them up," said Gregory Aharonian, publisher of Internet Patent News Service, a newsletter that's critical of technology patents. "If you're doing something like that, you're potentially infringing."

Seeing as how AIM wasn't exactly johnny on the spot in the IM world, the patent was issued to ICQ. Naturally, this could cause some problems for Microsoft, Yahoo, and anyone else who happens to have written an IM service/client of some form. The article does state that it's unlikely AOL will ever try to sue someone over this, and has taken out the patent as a "defensive measure".

Of course, what the article fails to state, is that years before ICQ came around, I and most everyone else who was connected to the internet could do exactly what they listed above:

# finger user@someplace.com[Various user information, including whether or not the user is online]# talk user@someplace.com[Interactive talk session comes up]

Or I could've used ytalk or ntalk. Whatever happened to be installed on both systems, basically. Sure, it wasn't as user friendly as today's services. But it was certainly around for years before ICQ.

Mmmm...Milla

SALTYT has posted a nice collection of Milla Jovovich pictures. Go look at them while you can.

NSFW

17 December, 2002

The Death of Sarcasm

After 9/11, everyone was going around, proclaiming the death of irony, and I'm guessing humor in general. Of course, this was all laughed away (pardon the pun), because hey, humans often cope with tragedy using humor.

Little did we know that sarcasm was the one given a lethal injection.

A frustrated bus driver who caused a stir when he told his passengers "I'm taking you to the Taliban" has pleaded guilty to a disorderly persons charge.

...

After making the remark, some passengers became alarmed and called 911 on their cell phones, prompting Mickens' arrest at gunpoint after 18 township patrol cars converged on the bus. He was then charged with creating a false public alarm.

16 December, 2002

How to Ruin American Enterprise

Anyone? Anyone?

Ben Stein has written a great article for Forbes, where he lists twelve ideas that will go a long way to killing innovation in America.

3) Create a culture that blames the other guy for everything and discourages any form of individual self-restraint or self-control. Promote litigation to punish tobacco companies on the theory that they compel innocent people to smoke. Make it second nature for someone who is overweight to blame the restaurant that served him fries. Encourage a legal process that can kill a drug company for any mistakes in self-medication. Make it a general rule that anyone with more money than a plaintiff is responsible for anything harmful that a plaintiff does. Promulgate the pitiful joke that Americans are hereby exempt from any responsibility for their own actions--so long as there are deep pockets around to be rifled.

Phoenix

After a little more than a week of using Phoenix as my web browser of choice, I'm definitely liking it. Smaller than Mozilla, but still renders everything properly. No silly e-mail, news or chat clients included. Just a browser.

My favorite feature, so far, is this. Not just tabbed-browsing. But the ability to create a folder full of bookmarks, and then open them all up at once. Reading my daily blogs has never been easier.

As a side note, I will at some point make some changes to the site so it looks better in IE on Windows. Of course, since there are plenty of alternatives to IE (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6), don't expect me to rush on this :-p

13 December, 2002

I Love The Onion®

You know, I just can't count the number of people like this that I've met:

Area Man Lives To Correct Pronunciation
LAWRENCE, KS - According to irritated friends and acquaintances, Jim Marder, 43, lives to correct pronunciation. "Actually, the word is 'Ant-arc-tic," Marder told coworker Amy Dennon during a conversation about polar-ice-cap melting Monday. "Don't feel bad: Pronouncing it 'Antartic' is a fairly common mistake." Said Dennon: "He's always doing that: 'Actually, the word is 'affida-vit.' 'Actually, the word is 'pre-rogative.' 'Actually, the word is 'sher-bet.' Every time, he plays it all casual, but you can tell he's loving it. Dick."

From The Onion.

12 December, 2002

Wait, It's That Easy?

Davan demonstrates his suave ways.

More funny at Something Positive.

Give a Man a Website...

...and look what he'll say: David, the Anti-porn Guy, and his list of fag facts.

I can only hope that this is just the weirdest attempt at humor I have ever seen. Because frankly, David's vision of America is quite frightening.

11 December, 2002

10 December, 2002

The City of Townsville

Apparently there is a place called Townsville. Not far from a guy who has collected 4,000 thongs from his local beach.

06 December, 2002

If Memory Serves Me...

The Iron Chef drinking game. And there's an Iron Chef marathon Jan 1. Who's up for devoting a day to alcoholism?

Infidelity

Sexy Losers demonstrates the proper response when you find your wife in bed with another man.

NSFW. Completely and totally.

05 December, 2002

Stuff to Buy

Feel free to buy these for me:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 3Angel, Season 1

Jenny bought me the Buffy. Whoo-hoo!

Snowy Goodness

Well, for some reason I decided to brave the weather at 6:40 am and come in to work. I swear that one of the many properties of snow is that it magnifies the stupidity already present in people.

Here's a tip: It's early morning. It's been snowing, probably since about 1am, and it continues to snow. The plows can not keep up with the snow. Slow the fuck down, morons!

I'm glad that you have a big-ass, four- or all-wheel drive car that can handle the snow. Guess what? Most of the rest of us don't. Accept this fact. Don't come zooming up on a slow-moving vehicle, and get all pissy because you have to hit your brakes to avoid slamming into it.

Everybody has to drive slow, it's not just you! You will most likely be late for work. Either leave earlier, or deal with the situation.

I wish I had my camera with me. I would have loved to have gotten some footage of the idiot who spun out about 100 feet in front of me on rt 267. I think they managed to make about 3 1/2, slow-motion revolutions with their car, ending up facing oncoming traffic. Reminded me of that VW commercial with the car going round and round.

Then there was a car behind me, on the I-270 spur, that kept fishtailing. I was just waiting with giddy anticipation for this moron to somehow slam into me with the broadside of his car.

And, of course, several cars stuck in the middle of the interstate.

So now I sit in my office. Kicked off my shoes and propped up my feet on the desk. No one from my group is here, and I doubt I'll see anyone for quite a few hours. All I need is some booze, and this would be perfect.

03 December, 2002

Postmodern eBay

I really like Moe the bartender's defintion of postmodern: Weird for the sake of weird.

With that, I give you: an eBay auction, wherein the item up for bid is a picture of a cat looking at a computer screen that is displaying an eBay auction for the house that Eminem grew up in.

Open Letter

Dear Gap:

Please stop with the stupid commercials. And the ugly clothes.
Thanks