30 April, 2003

The News

All the news that fits:

Video rumored to show Bush daughter naked. As long as it's not Jeb's daughter.

Waste not wasted in Ethiopia. Hrm. Maybe I'll start doing this with my garden. Who wants a tomato?!

Virginia boosts anti-spam laws. Hormel Foods reportedly unhappy with turn of events.

Rumsfeld flies to Baghdad. As if lobbing missiles at the Iraqis wasn't enough?

First Bali bomb suspect charged. Madonna. Cher. Amrozi. Siefried. Roy. You've really got to watch out for those people with only one name.

Berlusconi blasts court for jailing ally. Not an interesting story, but the picture from the article amused me:
Silvio BerlusconiRon Jeremy

Weapons doubters 'will eat words'. Mr. Blair then went on to confuse those in attendance by closing his remarks with "San Dimas High School football rules!"

Spammers and virus writers unite. "Yes, that's right. Everybody get together. Good, good. A little closer. Yes, right there, on those concentric circles. Excellent. Now, hold still. This will only hurt for a while."

Record industry warns 'online pirates'. "Citrus fruits help to prevent scurvy. Why won't you people listen?!" Oh. Online pirates. Yar! My bad.

Work Still on Target For Mixing Bowl. And VDOT seems quite pleased with its progress. Of course, VDOT's benchmark is the Big Dig.

Bush, GOP Consider Ways to Fight AIDS. Let's see. Condoms or abstinence. I wonder which method they'll choose?


Enron execs want to go after bankers.

There's something about glass houses and stones, but I just can't think of it off-hand.

Lawyers for Enron in recent months have filed more than five dozen suits against people and companies that may have harmed Enron and contributed to its 2001 collapse, formerly the largest corporate bankruptcy in U.S. history. It left thousands jobless and millions of investors holding worthless stock.

I wonder how many of those suits were filed against Kenneth Lay?

29 April, 2003

New Project

My newest project is scanning in old family photos, storing them in a database and then making a nice web front-end to allow people to search for specific people. An idea of what it will look like.

I'm also going to work on a web front-end to my mom's genealogy files, and then finally link them all together. Do I know how to have fun?

Dreams Really Do Come True

In an absolutely amazing turn of events, I asked for a relatively expensive piece of hardware, and the Powers That Be® actually ordered it! Holy shit!

One of our monitors died, so I requested a new one. In my request, I asked for a nice 17" LCD screen, as well as some cheaper CRTs, figuring I would get the cheapest CRT they could find. Lo and behold, I check my e-mail just now, and the LCD has been approved. It's on its way!

So now the fun begins as I swipe this monitor, and use my current monitor as a replacement. Muahahaha!

Random Headlines

US pulls out of Saudi Arabia. Offers Saudi Arabia a towel and explains that it has an important meeting in the morning.

Gilgamesh tomb believed found. Looks like Iraqi children will be able to tell their own version of the lame "Grant's tomb" joke.

McDonald's is back in the black. So that's what the AC/DC song is about!

Scientists breed cancer-beating mice. Still no cure for, umm...wait a minute.

World's wettest area dries up. What, Jenna Jameson?

Reality TV gets own channel. Actual reality worried about losing market share.

Who's Next?

Screw Syria and North Korea. Let's get the bastards in Belgium!

The State Department spokesman, Richard Boucher, said the Belgian authorities should act early to prevent such consequences.

"We believe the Belgian Government needs to be diligent in taking steps to prevent abuse of the legal system for political ends," he said.

He added: "Belgium, you're making us angry. And you wouldn't want to see us when we're angry."


Really, I swear I'm not obsessed with JLo. Really! I'M NOT!

But damnit, this woman is just too easy (ha!) to write about. Honestly, I think that given several weeks of concentration, I could not come up with funnier things to say about her than what she does in real life. Latest in the saga: her prenup agreement with BFleck

Note: I heard about this on the radio. I don't usually go perusing teenhollywood.com to find stories. Honest!

According to reports, if Ben-from-Berkeley cheats on Jenny-from-the-block:

  • JLo keeps all of the property they've jointly purchased
  • JLo gets half of the money Ben makes while they're married (and as he's currently one of the most overpaid actors, that's some serious bank)
  • JLo gets custody of any children they might have
  • Ben gets...absolutely no visitation rights to those children

If JLo should have the cheating heart, Ben gets:

  • Squat

I would just like to go on record and state that if this account should happen to be true, and Mr. Affleck should happen to sign it, not only will he be the stupidest person in the world, he will also be the most pussy-whipped person in the world. Such a distinction.

Mr. Shearer

Harry Shearer, prolific actor and the man behind many of the voices on the Simpsons, gets it. What is it, you say? He gets what the record industry is doing wrong:

Nobody, let's remember, twisted the arms of the record and movie industries into focusing their product and their marketing muscle almost single-mindedly (if that's not being too generous) on people in their teens and early 20's.


As events have proved, there is one crucial problem with this demographic cohort: it has much more time than money.

Ding ding ding!

The problem is a crappy, over-priced product marketed to people without a lot of money. Why is it that everyone else besides the music industry can see this?

Give me the kind of music I want to listen to, cut a couple of dollars out of your profit margin (you can stop screaming poverty, BTW), and I'll gladly start buying more new CDs. Until then, I'll keep giving my money to Second Spin and various local used shops.

25 April, 2003

Celebrity Boycott

I think this guy does a good job summing up my feelings about celebrities using their fame to either protest or support the war.

24 April, 2003

The Matrix: Rejected


Rise Up

This is a call to arms, patriots. Drought. Starvation. Fear. Uncertainty. Disease. These are members of the oppressive regime of Ethiopia currently in power over 12.6 million people. Do we only give a damn about Iraqi's under the thumb of Saddam Hussein? Why should we stop there? Shouldn't we try to grant freedom to everybody in the world?

Stand up, Americans, and do your part. Imagine the joy as people are able to eat nutritious meals, and drink sanitary water once more. Don't you want to see that, "IN OUR NAME"? Many people say Americans are selfish and lazy. Let's prove them wrong.

Freedom and prosperity for all!

Matrix: Reloaded

Last night, Jenny and I started making plans to see Matrix: Reloaded when it comes out on the 15th. But what we really need to plan to see is Matrix: Reloaded in an IMAX theatre.

23 April, 2003

Not Nice

It's not nice to fool with AIM:

The AIM service could not send the message: You have sent too much data too quickly. Please wait a little while before sending more.

Better Season

I would just like to say that Angel has been about 10 gazillion times better than Buffy this season.

I'm actually locked on my TV while watching Angel. I want to know what the hell is going to happen next week. Buffy? Not quite holding my interest like it used to. Hopefully the last eps will be good, but I'm not holding my breath, considering the spoilers I've seen.

What's in a Name?

That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet
-William Shakespeare

But what about South Central LA?

Savage Love

Good ol' Dan Savage:

First things first: Some of my very young, very old, or very sheltered readers (hello there, Mom) are no doubt asking themselves, "What is this snowballing shit?" Well, simply kissing someone who's just finished giving you head isn't snowballing. That's just gratitude, appropriately expressed.

That is nothing short of poetic.

True Love

It's good to know there's always hope. Or at least, The Onion thinks so:

Dysfunctional Singles Find Each Other
BLOOMFIELD HILLS, MI - After nearly 10 years of searching, clingy, neurotic Ryan Dollett, 31, has finally found his soulmate in passive-aggressive, emotionally distant Amy Sunderland, 28, sources reported Monday. "I want to be with Amy every single second, I just love her so much," Dollett said. "She has so many amazing qualities, but I think the best is the way she never challenges me." Said Sunderland: "Ryan is quite the catch. I'm sure once we're married, I'll grow to love everything about him, even the terrible way he dresses."

22 April, 2003

Ari, You Dream Boat!

Ari Fleischer, the new American sex symbol.

Yeah, it's okay, I'm laughing as well.

"Oh Ari...you're ability to speak to the press and say absolutely nothing is just dead sexy....take me!"

Nah, don't think that's ever going to be said.

Okay, Buh-Bye

Apparently, the Bay Area is some kind of utopia. If I ever decide to visit, I will be sorely disappointed when the faucets don't dispense milk and honey.

Might the liberation of the Bay Area unlock similar positive change? Think of the model social legislation that a Bay Nation could enact: bans on guns altogether, full legalization of same-sex unions, an expansion of public television and radio, complete decriminalization of marijuana, basic health care for all, environmental protections that would be the envy of North America.

All very good ideas. But here's an even better idea: Work to bring that to the rest of America. I know, it's hard to deal with, but you guys are saddled with the rest of us uncouth, unsophisticated and moronic Americans. You might as well work to improve everything, instead of just running off to do your own thing.

21 April, 2003

Prison Cats

This guy seems to think that cats are unsanitary. Personally, I'm more concerned with a cat trying to steal my breath!

Please Shoot Me

Saw this while wandering around Tower today.


Why why why?!

It's a fucking "reality" show, people. How completely devoid of interest is your life that you need to be able to re-live these peoples' lives through the comfort of your DVD player?

Pour Some Sugar On Me

Move over, tobacco industry. Here comes something sweeter.

The sugar industry in the US is threatening to bring the World Health Organisation to its knees by demanding that Congress end its funding unless the WHO scraps guidelines on healthy eating, due to be published on Wednesday.


The industry is furious at the guidelines, which say that sugar should account for no more than 10% of a healthy diet. It claims that the review by international experts which decided on the 10% limit is scientifically flawed, insisting that other evidence indicates that a quarter of our food and drink intake can safely consist of sugar.

Bad, Naughty France!

BBC article about French-American relations:

Pentagon adviser Richard Perle told the International Herald Tribune that the crisis in relations was not something that could be dealt with in the "normal diplomatic way" because anti-French feeling now ran very deep in US society.

He said he doubted there could ever be a constructive relationship between the two governments.

Oh, sure there will. All it's going to take is getting an administration in the White House that has a collective emotional maturity greater than that of your average high school senior class. I know it's hard to imagine, but the president is usually a diplomat, and can handle these sorts of disagreements with ease. With some work, he comes out the winner, but doesn't make the other side look like the loser.

19 April, 2003


This is currently terrorizing my apartment:
Courage and Tigger

So far, Courage really doesn't know what to make of Tigger. She actually goes right up to him and attempts to sniff him, but all she gets is growls and hisses. It's all quite amusing.

It's a0l
also quite difficult to type with a tiny kitten walking all over your hands and keyboard.

18 April, 2003

Oil Trust


The war's mostly over. So, what now? A lot of people have been talking about the reconstruction of postwar Iraq. Predictably, Russian, French and German companies want us to let them in. They were happy to prop up Saddam when they thought that meant big bucks, but now that they've been proven wrong, they don't see why that should stand in the way of them profiting off the very people they wanted to keep enslaved.

So basically: maximize profits and reduce risks. Funny, that sounds like the business plan of an American company.


Nelson Muntz

I'm Nelson, who are you? by Lexi

17 April, 2003

Summer Movies

Hey kids: be sure not to go see Matrix: Reloaded, Matrix: Revolutions or Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Why? Because these guys say so.

Atari 10-in-1

image of the atari 10-in-1 from thinkgeek.com

Gimme gimme gimme


The government of Zimbabwe has effectively tripled the price of gas in their country. It's now Z$480/litre, or ~$8.41 in American money (currency conversion).

And for the metric-impaired, that works out to about $31.84/gallon (3.7854 litres to the gallon).

Think about that the next time you pay less than $2 for premium to fill up your hulking SUV.

16 April, 2003

Frog Baseball

Boys buy potato gun. Boys tire of potatoes. Boys use frogs instead. Boy has frog fired into face while looking into the business-end of the gun.

I'd love to feel sorry for this kid, but well...don't fire fucking frogs out of a potato gun. And if you see other dumbass kids doing it, call the fucking authorities.

"We've been telling him we're going to do the best for him," Lisa Berry said. "He can still be a man, he can still be independent with this disability."

Yeah, you keep thinking that. Kid is going to be going through life known as the guy blinded by a frog fired out of a potato gun. Might as well move to another country.

Bush Speaks

Interesting site of the day.

(Via Just a Phase)

Spike TV

Sorry Jenny, but Spike TV isn't quite what you've been hoping for.


Apparently, it's not just a steam issue.

Note: Website full of whackos.

Straight to Hell

Clinton blasts US foreign policy.

"Our paradigm now seems to be: something terrible happened to us on September 11, and that gives us the right to interpret all future events in a way that everyone else in the world must agree with us," said Clinton, who spoke at a seminar of governance organised by Conference Board.

"And if they don't, they can go straight to hell."

15 April, 2003

Overreact Much?

Boy jumps in puddle. Boy goes to jail.

At that point, Langer took the sixth-grader to a school office where the boy was cuffed, put in a patrol car and taken to jail. After about two hours in a holding room alone, the sixth-grader was released to the custody of his mother and grandmother.

That'll teach the little bastard!

14 April, 2003

Damascus Calling

According to the Guardian, Dubya and crew have decided to leave Syria alone. Good thing that common sense and diplomacy have won out over hawkishness.

Ooops, spoke to soon:

However, President George Bush, who faces re-election next year with two perilous nation-building projects, in Afghanistan and Iraq, on his hands, is said to have cut off discussion among his advisers about the possibility of taking the "war on terror" to Syria.

My prediction: Bush wins the re-election, and all of the sudden, Syria is prime suspect for weapons of mass destruction, possibly with a tyrannical regime in charge, oppressing its people.


If anyone I know does this to their cat, I will personally smack them like the bitch they are.

Wait, There's More

Speaking of JLo: please read and sign this petition.

Skip to the Loo

Okay, this is just sad:

Ben Affleck has bought fiancee Jennifer Lopez a $105,000 gem-studded toilet seat.

The pop diva's new loo is encrusted with rubies, sapphires, pearls and a diamond.

A source tells British newspaper the Daily Star, "The stones are set inside the plastic, so Jennifer's behind won't get scratched."

Affleck, who is expected to marry his belle later this year, designed the seat himself.

He told a friend, "Jennifer is my princess and she deserves only the best -- even when it comes to toilets."

And here I thought the $15 I paid at Home Depot was a bit much.


What you learn after psychoanalysis.

13 April, 2003

POW, the Movie

According to the Washington Post, NBC is already working on a movie about Pvt. Jessica Lynch. Wow, that didn't take long. Let me see if I can summarize the movie for everybody:

  • Hi, I'm PFC Jessica Lynch. I'm from Palestine, WV.
  • Look, I'm in Iraq.
  • Hey, I've been captured by Iraqis after my group got lost.
  • Now I'm a prisoner in a hospital. Watch my tragic ordeal.
  • A sympathetic Iraqi sees my plight, crosses miles of desert, and informs the Americans of what's going on.
  • Yay! I've been rescued
  • Wow, I'm a hero.
  • I'm meeting President Bush.
  • Now I'm meeting with NBC executives about a movie about my ordeal.
  • Oh look, here I am, watching my exciting, made-for-TV movie.
  • I think I'm about to start a loop.

So, what will they do with the other 1 hour and 40 minutes?

11 April, 2003

Patron Saint of the Uncool

So I finally got around to watching my DVD of Geek Maggot Bingo tonight. Wow. I'll write a review of it in a little bit.

The three other films included on the disc -- Elf Panties, Lord of the Cockrings, and Thus Spake Zarathustra -- were marginally more interesting and somewhat better produced. Check out Saint Reverend Jen's website...she's one weird chicky.

10 April, 2003

I'm Prepared

So today I received an emergency preparedness kit from the higher ups. In case of emergency (such as a biological attack), I have:

  • One (1) flashlight
  • Two (2) glow sticks
  • One (1) respirator mask

It's that, or they're going to start holding raves here. I'm not quite certain.

Currently, no mention of food or water. Hopefully the glowsticks are of the non-toxic variety.

09 April, 2003

6 Shooter Porn

In case you've ever wondered about what I do while at work:

J Ness (13:49:07): heh. i'll just start using my porn name
Jenny (13:49:23): ....?
J Ness (13:49:35): sam pasadena
Jenny (13:50:18): excellent.
Jenny (13:50:18): sounds like you star in porn westerns.
Jenny (13:50:26): "the soft, the hard, and the hairy"
Jenny (13:50:49): "for a fistful of dildos"
J Ness (13:50:52): ew. hairy.
Jenny (13:51:20): "a mule for sister mary"
Jenny (13:51:20): oh, wait, that's a real title.
J Ness (13:51:32): "the good, the bad, the well hung"
J Ness (13:52:06): "the outlaws in josie wales"
Jenny (13:53:00): i like that one.


Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo is coming to DVD.

I can hardly contain myself!

Only in California

Proposed smirking ban raises eyebrows

Who Knew?

I never knew Eliza Dushku was a mormon.

08 April, 2003

You Can Get With This...

This or That Tuesday

  1. Sexier (female)...Pamela Anderson or Jennifer Garner?
    Pamela Anderson is just...ugh. So Jennifer Garner.
  2. Sexier (male)...Ben Affleck or Matt Damon?
    Ummm....Matt? *shrug*
  3. The better piano player...Billy Joel or Elton John?
    Billy Joel
  4. Funnier...David Letterman or Craig Kilborn?
    Kilborn. He has much better comedic timing. Dave is all shtick
  5. The dumber cartoon cat...Stimpy (of *Ren & Stimpy*) or Tom (of *Tom & Jerry*)?
    Tom...he never knew when to give up.
  6. A better news anchor...Tom Brokaw or Dan Rather?
    Dan Rather, because he doesn't go on and on about "the greatest generation"
  7. A better TV chef...Emeril Lagasse or Jacques Pepin?
    Either Alton Brown or Julia Child. Emeril is an ass, and I have no idea who Pepin is
  8. The trashier talk show host...Maury Povich or Jerry Springer?
    It's all crap
  9. The worse fast food burger joint...McDonald's or Burger King?
    McDonald's can suck my left nut.
  10. Thought-provoking question of the week: Only a handful of U.S. Presidents have been considered to be *great* Of the following two, which one do you consider to be greater...Franklin D. Roosevelt or Abraham Lincoln? Why?
    Roosevelt. Sure, why not?


silverwingdc: k, all this time off, and no fucking blog posts?
jgumby314: yeah,i've been SICK
jgumby314: this isn't just taking a few days off.
silverwingdc: You can type, bitch
jgumby314: i also have this desire to type at least somewhat coherently in my blog
silverwingdc: Why start now?
jgumby314: bite my shiny, metal ass, fleshbag
silverwingdc: heh

And then later:

gatlouca: no new blogging?
jgumby314: i'll tell you what i just told chris: i've been SICK
gatlouca: yeah... so?
jgumby314: you know, you'll go days without posting something new. so i'm not hearing it from you
gatlouca: *grin*
gatlouca: yeah, but not when i'm close to a 'puter.

Part of me is annoyed. Another part of me is amused that my friends practically froth at the mouth when it's more than 24 hours between updates.


Inspiration for 'Babar the Elephant' Dies

Just thought I would put up some scans from my old Babar books:
The Story of Babar
Babar and Zephir
Babar and His Children
Babar the King
Random heffalumps

07 April, 2003

In the Cross Hairs

And now Yahoo is taking aim at Google. Hahahaha. I'm sorry, Yahoo, but you just don't get it. Offering more glittery little prizes will not make you a better search engine. It just makes you the thing that simpletons want to look at it.

06 April, 2003

What The Fuck?

What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on with this?!

04 April, 2003


What a time we live in. There's a war raging. People are dying. Starvation runs rampant. The rich continue to feed off of the poor. Pollution gets worse, day by day. The planet careens toward uninhabitability at an alarming speed.

What do I do about it? Not a damn thing. But I have been making changes to the site layout!

Sweet Merciful Crap!

The Family Guy joins Adult Swim.

And there was much rejoicing!

Give it a Rest

Yes, I get it. Some people don't like the French. Fine. Whatever. Get over yourselves. And stop getting antsy over the damn food.

Organizers of an upcoming lecture series on French impressionism debated not serving croissants at the event, fearing anti-France sentiment would keep people away.

Here's my theory: If someone is going to a lecture about FRENCH impressionism, odds are they aren't going to be simple-minded enough to care whether your serve French food. I know, I know. "James and his wacky ideas...where does he get them?"


Saw Henry Rollins last night, and definitely a good show. Admittedly, I've only heard small portions of his spoken word material, so I didn't know exactly what I was going in for. A little preachy, but generally entertaining and little bit thought provoking. Personally, I think I would rather see Jello Biafra perform, mainly because he's much more political.

Favorite line from the night:

When the going gets tough, the average get conservative.

More War Stuff

Excellent article about the entire war situation.

Link snagged from Just a Phase

No Surprises

More stupid shit. Apparently, there are people out there with even more free time than me, because that the only reason I can think of for them to come up with this stuff.

From the Daily Haggis

03 April, 2003

Random Shit

I can now be found in the D.C. Metro Blog Map. Look under Ballston.

Someday, I hope that my blog will IPO over at Blogshares. I must say, I regret having sold my shares of Wil Wheaton's blog. Damnit.

I've spent the last couple of afternoons digging up my backyard. Or at least a part of it. Someday soon, I will have many yummy tomatoes, peppers and other assorted fruits/veggies to snack on. I just want the digging part to be done with! Once I get my camera back, I'll take some pictures of the strange things I've dug up. I would never have guessed that I would find oyster shells in the first six inches of dirt up here. Live and learn!

And tonight I go with friends to see Henry Rollins at the 9:30 Club. The only problem with this is that I must spend the entire work day thinking about this, and that only helps to slow the day down. Ugh.

Feel the Love

Found this on the Philip Morris website, under the section Youth Smoking Prevention:

We also believe that stopping children from smoking is the right thing to do. In fact, because of the serious health effects of our products, we believe we must stop children from smoking. [Emphasis added]

Now wait, I must be missing something. Here they are, admitting the fact that their products have serious health effects, and yet they are only concerned with stopping children from smoking? What about the adults? Are adults immune to the serious health effects?

Fashion Victims

I think most fashion is pretty damn stupid, and not to mention, ugly. So it's good see that there are valid medical reasons to resist the allure of haute couture.

Good Luck With All That

Microsoft has decided to take aim at Google.

"We do view Google more and more as a competitor. We believe that we can provide consumers with a better product and a better user experience. That's something that we're actively looking at doing," Bob Visse, director of marketing for Microsoft's MSN Internet services division, said. [Emphasis added]

Hmm, let me think. I had a response to that, but it has temporarily slipped my mind.

Oh yeah, I remember now: HA!

My problems with this:

  • MS doesn't need to be a part of every segment of the computer industry. Give it a rest, guys. Let other people do their thing. Are you not making enough money?
  • Google does an absolutely amazing job at indexing the web. People aren't that far off when they say "if you can't find it on Google, you can't find it anywhere."
  • Try as you might, you can't really improve the user experience that Google offers. You know why? Because you, Microsoft, will attempt to "enhance" it. You're going to add all kinds of useless, bullshit features to a simple search engine.

Look at Google's homepage. What do you see? A simple logo (that occasionally changes), a few links, and a search box. That's it. That, in a nutshell, is what I love about Google. After years and years of using Google, I have not become dissatisfied with their user interface. They haven't tried to extend it, adding flashing lights, advertising and customization. It's just simple. It gets me what I want.

Now look at Microsoft's homepage. That is the sort of thing we'll have to look forward to in a Microsoft search engine. No, wait, scratch that. Look at the MSN homepage. That is probably a more accurate depiction. It's busy. It's full of crap. Most of the items on the page mean about as much to me as a pair of fetid dingo's kidneys.

When Google enhances their site, they actually enhance the service they offer. They don't add an extra, snazzy module you don't want. They add something useful, like the ability to search for images, find PDFs, translate a page, read usenet, find all of your news, and search for the lowest price from online retailers. And no matter what they add, it's still the same, simple Google. Easy to use, and easy to find what you want.

That is the sort of thing Microsoft will never be able to do. No matter how much they blather on about enhancing the user experience, it's always going to be bloated and useless crap. And the stream-lined Googles of the world will always be a better choice.

02 April, 2003

Coalition of the Willing

Today, Tonga announced that is has joined the "coalition of the willing", what the Bush administration calls the countries that are helping us out in Iraq.


My god, but we're going to win now!

01 April, 2003


Fark gets "hacked"

Kim Jong Il

Kim Jong Il might be missing, but at least he's keeping up a blog.

Season 2

It feels like I just purchased my Angel, Season 1 DVDs, and already, Season 2 is available for pre-order. They'll hit the street on August 19th.


I've been waiting a long time for something like this!

Via Dave Barry's blog