14 May, 2003

Headlines

What's been going on in the world?

US criticises security in Riyadh. Wants to know why Saudis' psychic powers did not forsee these attacks.

'High-rise' housing for South Africa. Mercifully, no lame jokes about all of the clocks in the building be stuck at 4:20.

Plant sap 'causes cancer'. Could we just get a list of what doesn't cause cancer? That would certainly be much easier to work with.

Congress moves to back tactical nukes. Yes, because the best way to control nuclear proliferation is to produce more nuclear warheads. It's so obvious, why couldn't I see that before?

Plane art upsets New Yorkers. The sign read "Caution, low flying planes". Which seems about as tactful as putting up a sign reading "Caution, high flames" outside of Auschwitz.

Fleeing Democrats thwart Texan vote. "But I don't wanna eat my brussel sprouts! I shall hold my breath until you take them away from me. That will show you!"

MEPs back 'polluter pays' law. Wait. You screw up, and therefore must pay the consequences? What a shockingly novel idea!

Failure to find Iraqi arms 'surprising'. Why, exactly, is it surprising?

Burglar to revive case against farmer. Guy breaks into house. Guy gets shot by house's owner. Guy is unable to have sex because of being shot, so sues the owner. Are you sure this is happening outside of America?

No Iraq bounce in US retail sales. Once again, why is this surprising?

Brain 'theft' laws promised. Only major criticism comes from the generally unnoticed zombie lobby.

Ant history revealed. Apparently, the army ant's family tree is as diverse as any you'd find in Appalachia!

Ewan McGregor: [Filming] 'Star Wars' Is "Tedious". Try watching it, McGregor!

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