More of the news that fits:
US Catholic bishop quits. Let's get this straight: Cover up sexual abuse by the clergy and you're okay. Get involved in a hit-and-run, and suddenly you're unfit to oversee the spiritual needs of 400,000 people.
Microsoft sues spammers. And he rode upon a black horse, and his name was Irony...
Miners rescued after 40-hour ordeal. See, this is why you have child-labor laws.
Foul stench prompts lemon-scented clean-up in Marseille. At least it wasn't patchoulli.
India receives 'stealth' warship. "Yes, that's it over there. Of course you can't see it....it's in stealth mode!"
US prices ease deflation fears. Good news, everybody! Everything's more expensive!
Why dolphins get trapped in nets. Because they're nets, and not portals to other areas of the ocean?
Deported Afghan paints sad picture. But could anything be sadder than this: