30 July, 2003

Oh Damn

J.Lo and Affleck: We Will Never Work Together Again

Superstar couple Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are so distraught at the critical backlash to their movie Gigli that they have vowed never to work together again. Sources close to the twosome - who met and fell in love on the set of the gangster comedy - say that although in public they have defended the flick, behind closed doors Latina lovely J.Lo is very upset at the bad press. And the sexy pair believe their incredible fame and the gossip surrounding their upcoming marriage doomed the movie to failure before it was released. A source says, "Ben's brushing it off but J.Lo's taking it personally. They've admitted their relationship is more of a hindrance than a boost to a movie." However, fans will get one more chance to see them sizzle on screen together in Kevin Smith's upcoming movie Jersey Girl, which will be released in February.

The Onion also has an excellent bit about Gigli.

29 July, 2003

Honk Honk

After 64 years, the original Beetle finally goes into retirement.

Flush

To quote Homer Simpson: "They're years ahead of us in toilet technology!"

The Japanese, that is. Toto, the biggest seller of toilets in Japan, is getting ready to start selling in America. So now we yanks will be able to purchase a $4,000 toilet!

Japan's lavatories are already a step ahead of the rest of the world.

Heated seats are routine, while some toilets come festooned with buttons and control panels.

Foreigners have been known to become rather confused with the plethora of Japanese characters explaining the different functions, and some have on occasion been caught by surprise when a hidden bidet operates instead of the expected flushing.

As a result, cartoon pictures replacing characters on cisterns are likely to be in use by non-Japanese.

It really is a frightening concept to need instructions on how to use a toilet.

28 July, 2003

Copyrights

I think he's on to something:

Foxtrot for July 28, 2003
More Foxtrot

Gimme Gimme Gimme

Buffy, Season 5 and Firefly are almost available for pre-order. At the very least, you can add them to your wishlist.

So close I can taste it!

27 July, 2003

Bubba Ho-Tep

Behold, the wonders of Bruce: a trailer for Bubba Ho-Tep. Finally. Hopefully they'll either get distribution or a DVD release, because I really want to see it.

24 July, 2003

The More Things Change

So I'm talking to this guy who works in my organization, and it turns out we both attended Virginia Tech. At one point, he's talking about the horror of his first year at school (about five years before I got there):

Him: "My very first class, I'm in McBryde 100. This room holds more people than my high school."

[McBryde 100 is frickin' huge, people. 500 person capacity, I believe. Extremely daunting for your average freshman.]

Him: "And of course, I have this real hard-ass for a prof. His students have a 55% failure rate."

Me: "What subject?"

Him: "Chemistry"

Me: Do my Great Carnak impersonation. "I predict....Glanville"

Him: A little surprised "Yeah, that's the one."

Of course, now my fear is that I'm going to get a phone call from him starting out with "Do you like to watch....movies?"

21 July, 2003

Why I Hate Spammers

I finally got around to installing snort this weekend, and it's amazing how much crap gets sent to my computer. So far, I've got a simple setup: snort watches pflog0 and logs/analyses any packets that are blocked by my firewall. In other words, anything that tries to start a connection to my computer.

I'm actually kind of surprised at the sort of hits I'm getting. Most of them are on port 135, which is one of the Windows sharing ports. Lots and lots of attempts to send me annoying pop-up windows advertising....ways to stop the annoying pop-up windows.

Blah. These monkeys really like flinging crap at you. I guess they figure that sooner or later, some of it will hit.

But this is the sort of crap I've been seeing. And lots of it!

07/18-18:02:27.182500 210.5.22.23:29119 -> xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx:135UDP TTL:46 TOS:0x0 ID:0 IpLen:20 DgmLen:460 DFLen: 43204 00 28 00 10 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00  ..(.............00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 F8 91 7B 5A 00 FF D0 11  ..........{Z....A9 B2 00 C0 4F B6 E6 FC F4 EE B3 8B 7E 0C 09 50  ....O.......~..PA3 94 ED 38 D3 FC FD 73 00 00 00 00 01 00 00 00  ...8...s........00 00 00 00 00 00 FF FF FF FF 60 01 00 00 00 00  ..........`.....06 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 06 00 00 00 42 4C 4F 43  ............BLOC4B 00 00 00 0A 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 0A 00 00 00  K...............4D 45 53 53 45 4E 47 45 52 00 00 00 28 01 00 00  MESSENGER...(...00 00 00 00 28 01 00 00 42 6C 6F 63 6B 20 74 68  ....(...Block th65 73 65 20 75 6E 77 61 6E 74 65 64 20 70 6F 70  ese unwanted pop75 70 73 20 70 65 72 6D 61 6E 65 6E 74 6C 79 21  ups permanently!20 41 20 4F 4E 45 2D 54 49 4D 45 20 66 65 65 20   A ONE-TIME fee 61 74 0A 68 74 74 70 3A 2F 2F 77 77 77 2E 42 6C  at.http://www.Bl6F 63 6B 4D 65 73 73 65 6E 67 65 72 2E 63 6F 6D  ockMessenger.com0A 0A 44 6F 6E 27 74 20 70 61 79 20 66 6F 72 20  ..Don't pay for 65 78 70 65 6E 73 69 76 65 20 6D 6F 6E 74 68 6C  expensive monthl79 20 73 65 72 76 69 63 65 73 21 0A 0A 44 6F 20  y services!..Do 4E 4F 54 20 63 6C 6F 73 65 20 74 68 69 73 20 77  NOT close this w69 6E 64 6F 77 20 77 69 74 68 6F 75 74 20 76 69  indow without vi73 69 74 69 6E 67 20 68 74 74 70 3A 2F 2F 77 77  siting http://ww77 2E 42 6C 6F 63 6B 4D 65 73 73 65 6E 67 65 72  w.BlockMessenger2E 63 6F 6D 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A  .com............0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A  ................0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A  ................0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A  ................0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A  ................0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 0A 00  ................

Brains!

Since everyone else is doing it, so will I.

Your Brain Usage Profile

Threats

Atheist
Threat rating: extremely low. You may think you can
subvert the government, but if you should try
you will be smited mightily because God likes
us best.

What threat to the Bush administration are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Link via reenhead.com

18 July, 2003

Freudian Slip?

From J Lo's curves airbrushed for photos.

J Lo was said to be unhappy with the way her curvature was diminished in the photos, where she appears beside her co-star and finance, Ben Affleck.

Although I think it's appropriate.

17 July, 2003

Well, Duh

Are women just as shallow and obsessed with looks as men? Well, duh!

Link via Fark

Voices in my Head

Marriott, De La Hoya, Lewis Provide 'Simpsons' Voices

Off to H-E-Double Hockeysticks

Family sues the Catholic Archdioscese of Santa Fe, NM.

The family of Ben Martinez, 80, allege that Reverend Scott Mansfield said he was "living in sin," "lukewarm in his faith" and that "the Lord vomited people like Ben out of his mouth to hell".

Hey, nobody said religion was pretty.
Or tactful.

15 July, 2003

Rise of the Telemarketers

Brace yourselves people: the post-apocalyptic world of Terminator or Planet of the Apes is on the way. And what will be the downfall of humanity? Hyper-intelligent computers? Nuclear war? A third installment of "American Idol"? Nope. The newly enacted national do-not-call list.

That's some pretty heavy stuff.

The problems are compounded, Searcy says, when you consider the kinds of people telemarketing attracts. The industry hires an unusually large number of single mothers, people who are just getting off welfare programs, and people with physical disabilities; and most of its call centers are in rural areas, places where jobs are already scarce. When telemarketers lose their jobs, they'll have a hard time finding something else.

"There are towns where the largest single employer is a telemarketing firm," Hamilton says. "The local McDonald's only needs 10 or 15 burger flippers. It can't absorb thousands. Where are all those other people going to go? They're going to go on welfare."

First sign of trouble: An increase in the number of single, crippled mothers from rural areas on the welfare rolls.

And while one is loath to defend them, these faceless, fast-talking people who call us during dinner, perhaps it's time someone did. Telemarketing isn't a crime. It's a profitable business responsible for legitimate employment. Yet it's just been regulated out of existence, and the country is applauding.

So is the tabacco industry. I also don't want people blowing smoke in my face.

Bulmash is right: The industry does see us as a source of revenue, but that's probably because we are, despite our complaining, rather too quick to buy stuff over the phone. On average, says Searcy of the American Teleservices Association, an American household makes three purchases per year in response to sales calls.

Amazing what you can do with averages. What they don't mention is that in reality, it's actually twenty households buying all of this crap.

The national do-not-call list, however, will destroy the industry -- everyone in the telemarketing business seems to agree with that assessment. Experts provide various theories about why this will occur, but the fundamental reason seems to be this: Americans think they don't like telemarketing calls, but they're wrong. Americans believe they want to be on a do-not-call list, but their past actions -- namely their purchases -- betray their true feelings. The FTC says that the do-not-call list is justified because it merely gives people a choice over whether they'd like to receive sales calls; according to that theory, the people who actually do buy things from telemarketers won't add their numbers to the registry, and the industry will not suffer at all. But that analysis is faulty, the industry says. In the abstract, everyone hates to be sold to -- you hate it when commercials interrupt your favorite TV show, you hate the "intrusive" ads displayed on your favorite Web site, you hate being handed pamphlets on the street, and you hate being called by a telemarketer who promises "a fantastic deal."

...

The national do-not-call list, says Hamilton, makes it exceptionally easy for Americans to exercise a choice that they probably cannot make rationally.

Or, to sum up: Consumers are stupid. They will do as we say. It does not matter they think they want, we know what they really want.

If you don't care about the plight of these workers, there may be one other reason for you to consider putting up with the annoyances of telemarketing -- it probably makes many services cheaper for you. If companies that currently market their services over the phone are forced to now get to you in another, costlier way, there's a chance that the price you pay for goods and services will edge up slightly.

SWEET SASSY MOLASSY! The price I pay for goods and services might edge up slightly. Quick, tell Congress to start repealing laws!

What Bush did not mention, though, is that under the new regulations, he and every other politician will still have the right to call you whenever they want to ask you for money or votes.

Shit, he can call all he wants. Ain't gonna get a dime of my money...well, outside of the money the gov't fleeces from my pockets.

Anyways, go ahead and read Chicken Little's Farhad Manjoo's article. It's most entertaining.

You Know...

Holy cow, I received an amusing, forwarded e-mail!

Of course, no one who reads this blog will find it quite as amusing, with the possible exception of Randy. But oh well, here it is for everyone:

Ready for your Close-up?

It looks like Katherine Hepburn understood the importance of Hollywood actors in society:

"These actors who complain in interviews about 12 hour days. You sit there for 11 of them! It's not as if we're carrying sacks of feed all day. Let's face it, we're prostitutes. I've spent my life selling myself, my face, my body, the way I walk and talk. You can look at me but you must pay me for it."

Taxi Driver

Dubya as Travis Bickle?
You talkin' to me?
You talkin' to me?
You talkin' to me?
Then who the hell else are you talkin' to?
You talkin' to me?
Well I'm the only one here. Who do you think you're talking to?
Oh yeah?
Huh?
Ok.

12 July, 2003

Packrat

And I thought my grandfather had entirely too much stuff in his house. This woman takes the cake...right out of your garbage can!

Fairfax County sanitation workers were hauling tons of trash yesterday out of Cheryl Herring's yard for the second time in less than three months when they came upon a nest of rats. As county officials watched, the rats -- adults and babies -- scurried out from the debris crammed under the back porch and scattered into the tall weeds behind the house.

"Last time, we got six tons," said Robert R. Scott, assistant superintendent of the county's solid waste division, who was supervising nine workers. Now, his crew would probably load almost that much into a garbage truck parked in Herring's driveway, he said. In late April, another crew "had cleaned all that out where they're working now."

11 July, 2003

Screwed Up Politics Everywhere

She's a Christian and a patriot. And best of all, she's running for mayor of Ottawa!

"I'm not saying whites are not aggressive -- look at me, I've got assault charges. But 90 per cent of blacks are more aggressive and only five per cent of whites are aggressive, it's been proven."

"Some races are better in some things than other races," she said. "It's not the Jews I have a problem with, it's the Zionists."

At least this nutball is Canada's problem.

Link via Ask Gwen

If the MPAA Got Into Blogging

This blog is rated R
What rating is your journal?

brought to you by Quizilla

Link via TPRS

10 July, 2003

Oh, the Possibilities

I could really annoy my neighbors with these.

Fear the Doughnut

Krispy Kreme announces expansion plans:

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts Inc. plans to expand aggressively in the United States and is taking additional steps to set up shop overseas, the company's chief operating officer said Tuesday.

Speaking at the CIBC World Markets Consumer Growth Conference, John Tatez said the Winston-Salem, N.C.-based company is in various stages of development in 20 new markets domestically and abroad and has specific plans for 77 new stores this year in North America.

Please, please tell me that one of those new domestic stores will be in the DC metro area. We could really use another store that's not in the middle of nowhere.

09 July, 2003

Spooky

As I was making dinner last night, I suddenly thought of my great-aunt Anne. Which isn't too odd in itself, but then, I rarely think about my relatives. I was this close to sending my mom a message and telling her to find out how Anne was doing. But I decided, nah, just my brain being random.

I get an e-mail from my mom today. She talked with her cousin, and Anne had had a small stroke yesterday. Luckily, nothing is wrong with her, and as far as I know, she's resting comfortably. But still, really spooky stuff.

That Was Quick

Can you believe it's only been 4 months since I've written about Michael Savage?

MSNBC learns a valuable lesson: hire a hate-filled, homophobic jackass, and eventually he's going to say something incredibly stupid on the air. For you Don & Mike fans interested in what the caller said:

Foster called Savage's show Saturday when Savage was doing what he described as a "schtick" about airline horror stories. Foster started a yarn about someone smoking in a plane's bathroom, and then, in a non sequitur, said,

" 'Don and Mike' should take over your show so you can go to a dentist appointment, because your teeth are really bad."

Wow. Yeah, definitely worth spewing forth your bile and getting fired, Savage. Bwahahahaha.

03 July, 2003

Headlines

And now....headlines

Japan's Communists impose drinking ban. Japan. Communists. Huh?

US offers $25m for Saddam capture. I'll take "Hiding in a Cave" for $1000, Alex.

Guy selling flags, maybe?US unemployment rate leaps. C'mon, really. Would you hire this guy?

Kraft plans to cut snack sizes. Public plans to just eat more of them.

Solar System 'twin' found. "So are they the opposites of us?" "Oh no, they're exactly same...except they all wear hats."

Polish force heads for Iraq. So many jokes, so little taste.

Opium pacifies Afghan refugee children. And you thought sitting them in front of the TV was bad?

Indian mob burns 'witches'. Well, I certainly hope they tested the witches by floating them in water or weighing them against ducks before they carried out the execution.

Chilean blob could be octopus. Or possibly a blanc-mange from outer space. Be afraid people...be very afraid!

Galactic glitch for Star Wars game. NNNNNNEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDSSSS!!!!

Blood Alcohol

Are blood-alcohol analyzers gender biased?

Hawkins is a certified breathalyzer technician who also happens to be a lawyer.

"What we've learned is that when you take a male and a female of roughly the same weight, give them the same amount of alcohol, that the woman will be significantly higher as far as what her score on the Intoxilyzer 5000 machine," he said.

And this could have nothing to do with the differences in physiology between males and females? Just because they're the same weight, doesn't mean things like body fat and muscle mass are going to be the same between a male and a female. And possibly these differences will account for the discrepency in their blood-alcohol levels.

Just file this under James' Kooky Theories™

01 July, 2003

The Science Fair

First off, the link: Fellowship Baptist Creation Science Fair 2001, which I got from reenhead.com. Now, on to the folly.

"My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey)"

Cassidy Turnbull (grade 5) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that her uncle is no monkey.

What has this "experiment" proved? Yes, that's right! Steve doesn't like bananas.

"Life Doesn't Come From Non-Life"

Patricia Lewis (grade 8) did an experiment to see if life can evolve from non-life. Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.) No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.

Do creationists so completely not understand evolution that they think a poodle would spring forth, fully-formed, from this jar?

"Women Were Designed For Homemaking"

Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences shows that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker.

Ah, well. Sorry ladies, no use complaining about your paycheck! Mr. Goode has proven, undeniably...with science no less...that you are unable to work as well. You might as well just go home and have a baby. That's what you're suited for.

*sigh* Yet another generation being brought up in ignorance, all in the name of their religion.