01 July, 2003

The Science Fair

First off, the link: Fellowship Baptist Creation Science Fair 2001, which I got from reenhead.com. Now, on to the folly.

"My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey)"

Cassidy Turnbull (grade 5) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that her uncle is no monkey.

What has this "experiment" proved? Yes, that's right! Steve doesn't like bananas.

"Life Doesn't Come From Non-Life"

Patricia Lewis (grade 8) did an experiment to see if life can evolve from non-life. Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.) No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.

Do creationists so completely not understand evolution that they think a poodle would spring forth, fully-formed, from this jar?

"Women Were Designed For Homemaking"

Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences shows that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker.

Ah, well. Sorry ladies, no use complaining about your paycheck! Mr. Goode has proven, undeniably...with science no less...that you are unable to work as well. You might as well just go home and have a baby. That's what you're suited for.

*sigh* Yet another generation being brought up in ignorance, all in the name of their religion.


  1. Finally, some good science being done in this backwards country, and from elementary school students no less. Thank goodness we aren't doing science experiments looking at things like levers, pulleys, wheel and axle, wedge, and screw. Teaching the basics of machine function to elementary children might expose them to radical ideas - the chaos that might ensue.

  2. not a poodle, james, a puddle.

  3. Poor Steve. He may not be a monkey, but his niece is a sheep.

  4. Does this mean I am still going to hell for betting $4 on a horse race?

  5. Thank God you Christphobes have no reservations about brash displays of ignorance. Otherwise how could one distinguish between the ignorant "walking dead" & the ignorant who are "saved".If yuns are so freakin' brillant, please answer how the inanimate becomes animate? Even Hawkins doesn't dare tread there.Regards,
    Akron, Oh.

  6. hee hee. "Christophobe". i like that.provide, please, an example where "the inanimate becomes animate".

  7. Guys, I hate to break the news, but Landover Baptist Ministries is a satire site.