29 August, 2003


Judging by this summary, I didn't miss much by not watching the MTV Video Music Awards.

Everyone else is going to make a big deal of the fact that Madonna tongue-kisses Christina and Britney, but to me it just reeks of desperation. Tatu is hotter, ladies.

Yup, sounds about right. I've seen the pictures, and it looks like the most unsexy kiss since the Al Gore fiasco.

Then Justin Timberlake wins Best Male Video over Johnny Cash. "My grandfather raised me on Johnny Cash," Justin Timberlake says. "In some cool way, I share this award with him." Actually, Justin, you don't. But thank you for following your publicists' advice and calling it a "travesty" anyway.

Proof that god exists, and hates us all.

26 August, 2003


Odd search terms for the month:

pictures of eliza dushkus pussy <--I wish
naked wynona ryder <--Once more, I wish
picture diagrams of vaginas
big penis power pictures

PS: This is post number 666.
oooohhhh....scary, I know.


It's like crotchless panties...for guys! [NSFW]

Link via Dave Barry's Blog

So What's the Point?

Beaufort County district limits poor grades

High school students in Beaufort County will have a chance this school year to pass a class no matter how poorly they do in the first semester.

District officials have implemented a new policy that says first-semester grades can't drop any lower than 62 on a 100 point scale.

Let me get this straight...I'm back in high school, taking Algebra. I work hard during the Fall Semester, and come out with a 93 average. Good for me. But some slacker, who doesn't give a flying fuck about the class, doesn't pay attention, doesn't do homework, and probably annoys the people sitting around him, will automatically get a 62 for the semester, even if he earned a 20.

What kind of fucked up world is that? Do the administrators of this school really want to see Harrison Bergeron become reality?

I'm sorry that we have kids failing classes. It would truly be a wonderful place if no one scored below a C, and every single person earned those grades. Just imagine legions of smart, inquisitive high school students going out into the world, hopefully carrying on their education in college, and making a big difference in how this country runs.

Well you know what? That's not going to happen. People are going to fail. All we can do is attempt to properly fund our schools, provide the highest quality educators and make every attempt possible to instill knowledge into the minds of our children. It certainly isn't an easy job, and nor should it be. Teaching and learning are a challenge. And if the only way a child is going to learn is through failure, then so be it.

And if you really think this is a good plan, I leave you with this thought: Why not extend the program to medical schools?

Thanks to TPRS for the link

My Own, Personal Hell

Yesterday I found out what hell is really like.

No sulphur.
No burning.
No poking of sharp pitchforks by red, winged devils.

Oh no.

22 August, 2003

Random Caption

John Ashcroft
"I swear, it was this big. I told [my wife] Janet about it, but she wouldn't believe me. I knew I shouldn't have flushed it!"

Dude, Where's My Ego?

Kutcher Backs Away from 'Dude' Sequel

Movie hunk Ashton Kutcher had fans in stitches in Dude, Where's My Car? - but there's no way he'll consider returning for a sequel unless it's seriously star-studded. The Hollywood heart-throb, currently dating resurrected superstar Demi Moore, made his name in sitcom That 70's Show, and then starred opposite Seann William Scott for the wacky comedy. But though reports had claimed a sequel entitled Seriously Dude, Where's My Car? was in the pipeline, Kutcher's not keen to take it to the screen. He says, "Well, if Seann's in it, I'd do it. And Brad Pitt. And Meryl Streep, Robert De Niro and Tom Cruise - and then only if it's directed by Martin Scorsese and Cameron Crowe. Actually, it's not likely at the moment."


I think Hollywood's flavor of the week needs to remember what kind of movies he's suited for: low-budget, thin-on-the-plot, don't-think-too-hard comedies. Good luck with your career, Ashton. Because it sure isn't going to last that long.

21 August, 2003

If You Haven't Heard

Bootylicious has been added to the OED.

Also, a trailer for Matrix: Revolutions is out.

Never a Good Time to Slack

The University of North Carolina rescinds admission of student after his poor performance during his senior year.

Edmonson, whose 3.8 grade-point average and 1,600 SAT score earlier this year surely helped him gain entrance to Carolina, went into something of an academic tailspin at the end of his senior year. His final GPA slid to a 3.5 after he failed a class and got Cs and at least one D in others.

Yup, that's pretty bad. Well, sort of. I mean, not that a 3.5 final GPA is anything to sneeze at.

But Edmonson and his family have said the July meeting, with associate admissions director Herb Davis, went poorly. They say Davis didn't give Edmonson an adequate opportunity to explain what happened during his senior year, or to detail health problems the student had related to medicine he was taking for attention-deficit disorder.

Uh-huh. Funny how neither his ADD or the medication for the ADD previously affected his academic work.

"I frankly think that his 1600 [SAT] score was being held against him, that even with his lofty score, they can teach him a lesson," Hurley said Tuesday. "I just think there's some arrogance going on here, some bureaucratic arrogance."

The only lesson that they're teaching him is that you have to continue working hard if you want to succeed in life. The average SAT score of incoming freshmen at UNC is 1,267...I somehow don't think the admissions office was either overtly impressed or jealous of this kid's 1600.

Look, this kid just starting slacking off during his final semester of high school. He, as well as his family, needs to accept this. There's nothing particularly wrong with it, because hey, who wants to bust their hump that final semester of high school when they're already accepted to university? Just don't act like someone is out to get you, or that you are at all entitled to go to a particular school.

The Question Answered

An Annals of Improbable Research staffer scientifically determines the answer to that age-old question: Which came first? The chicken or the egg?

20 August, 2003

The Front-runners

And now the Onion presents the candidates for the California governor's race. After seeing this updated list, I think I might have to shift my support from Georgy Russell to Galactus.

Not that it matters, since I don't live in California.
Nor do I particularly care what happens there.

19 August, 2003


Seriously guys...I use OSX. Please stop wasting my time with your silly Windows viruses.

Thanking you.

Pass the Buck

Yep, blame technology.

Link via fark


So. Very. Tempting.

Avast, Ye Scurvy Dogs

I finally gave in and saw Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. Overall, nowhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be. I mean, come on, it's based on a frickin' ride at Disneyworld. Or is it Disneyland? Eh, whatever...the point being that it's a Disney ride. Personally, I would've had less of a visceral reaction to even the trailers I started seeing months ago if they had left off the "Pirates of the Caribbean" part. Just plain "Curse of the Black Pearl" sounds infinitely cooler.

But oh well.

14 August, 2003

It's the End of the World

I get home from my bike ride this afternoon, and I'd swear the world is coming to an end. At least, that's the impression I get when EVERY FUCKING CHANNEL is running the story about the New York power outage.

Okay, that's great. Certainly a news item. Certainly NOT a news item to pre-empt everything else for. Tell us what happened (the power grid was massively overloaded and caused an outage) and then GET ON WITH IT!

What fucking good does it do me to watch fuzzy images of people walking around a street in New York City with no power?

What fucking good does it do me to hear, on FOX channel 5, about the producer's husband's sister who is in NYC and wasn't able to get to her car because of the power outage but luckily was able to get a ride from someone going her direction?

And how much longer until we have Power Outage 2003 graphics on all the news channels?

There really aren't that many stories that require 24/7 coverage. And this is definitely not one of them.


Proof that I need more work to do: a new site design

(Please note, I've only looked at it through Firebird and IE6. I have no idea how it looks on other browsers/systems.)

My Horoscope

From the Onion:

Virgo: (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
Stop telling everyone you are popular with the ladies. Only your magnificent body is popular with the ladies.

I certainly like that more than what I read in the paper.

12 August, 2003

Soylent Green is People!

dnL, the new product from the makers of 7up, claims to have a "powerful boost of green".

Well, if purple can be a fruit, I guess green can be a flavor.

But what the hell is red, I ask you?

It's Not a Doll...

...it's an action figure, damnit!

Hey santa, I already know what I want in my stocking this Xmas: Elite Force Aviator: George W. Bush -- U.S. President and Naval Aviator
Our glorious leader

Although the title is a bit off. Isn't that like creating a "Special Forces: Bill Clinton" doll?

Run, Forest...Run

Just a few of the contenders for governor of California, from the BBC.


I recall that, years ago, Saturday Night Live had a fake commercial for "Hip-Hop Barbie". Or maybe it was "Urban Barbie". Basically, a black Barbie that was actually black, and not just a heavily tanned white girl. (And let me just say, it is almost painful going through barbie.com. It's quite like going through the pink aisle at the toy store, only more visually assaulting.)

I got to thinking about that skit after seeing a commercial for Flavas. Which seem to be some kind of "tween"-like Barbie with a hip-hop attitude. Or, as Mattel puts it:

Flava, according to "Hip Hoptionary: The Dictionary of Hip Hop Terminology" by Alonzo Westbrook, means personal flavor or style. With the introduction of Flavas (pronounced FLAY-vuhz), the first reality-based fashion doll brand that celebrates today's teen culture through authentic style, attitude and values Mattel has created a hot hip-hop themed line that allows girls to express their own personal flava.

Ah, yes. Today's "teen culture". I suppose that can mean a lot of things, but I think the simplest translation is: "demographic".

I would also like to point out the folly of telling girls to "express their own personal flava", by purchasing a mass-manufactured doll that countless other girls will own. When did conformity become the new individuality?

10 August, 2003

Good Grief

Garfield...the movie.

As in, live-action with CGI animals.

09 August, 2003

Enough, Already

Attention: Arnold Schwarzenegger. Total Recall. Not that funny. Please inform the media of this immediately, so they can stop using it.


04 August, 2003

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Is it asking too much for a trip to just go right?

Plane was two hours late leaving from BWI, due to inclimate weather out in the Plains states. Two frickin' hours of nothing to do in BWI. With my co-worker who would not just sit the fuck down and wait.

Get to the hotel (the Hyatt Regency, which seems quite nice), and the lady behind the desk says: "Oh, the credit card your company used was only for reserving the rooms...they didn't give authorization to pay for the rooms." Well, gee, great. Good thing I have $450 of available credit on my card, although really, that will be gone by the time I check out on Thursday because of a large check that should clear any day now. So now I've got to get in touch with the FUCKING MORON at my company who doesn't understand how to secure rooms for employees going out of town. And explain to her that she needs to call the Hyatt and authorize that credit card to purchase the room. Because otherwise, I'm going to be in deep shit with someone come Thursday.

(And if this woman had just said, in her e-mail to me last week, that I would have to pay for the room, and would be reimbursed, I would have grudgingly accepted, and made other financial plans for the remainder of the month. As it is, I made the mistake of assuming I would actually have that money in my bank account. La la la. Silly James, stop thinking things like that!)

Quoth Homer: So. Much. Rage.

01 August, 2003


SA presidential aide mugged
A South African presidential spokesman was carjacked in Pretoria, just hours after President Thabo Mbeki talked about positive trends in the fight against crime in the country.

Oops! Perhaps Mbeki got his intelligence from the Brits?

iTrip Like I Do

I've been using my friend Chris' iTrip, and I've got to admit, it's a great little device. I'm definitely going to have to pick one up for myself at some point, along with a cigarette-lighter adapter for those longer trips.

But good thing I don't live in the UK:

There are no restrictions on its use in the US, where people can use it to listen to songs stored on the iPod on a home or car stereo.

But in Britain, using it is akin to setting up your own pirate radio station.

Believe me, friends...you can only call it pirate radio if your definition includes only being able to broadcast about 50 feet, with an extremely finickly transmitter to boot.

How to Make a Movie

It's the Jerry Bruckheimer Film-o-Matic™, from the nice people at Big Picnic.