Finally, I can make a decision regarding my choice for presidential candidate, because Madonna has come out in support of Wesley Clark. Phhhew. Where would I be without celebrities to inform me who I should vote for?
Mr Clark's spokesman Jamal Simmons said he was delighted with Madonna's support for the campaign.
"We have a superstar supporting a four-star," he joked, referring to Mr Clark's rank as a general.
Ugh. We're all doomed.