12 March, 2004


Greenville Man Sues for Alleged Scalding

A Greenville man wants a whopper-sized bite of cash from Burger King Corporation, after he says a chicken sandwich he bought at a Cherokee County Burger King scalded his mouth.

Frank Chancellor's suit claims Burger King should give customers fair warning about the temperature of its foods.

This is my proposal for a catch-all warning:

Attention Morons:

This is FOOD. It might be hot. It might be cold. It might be just right. You never really know. Why don't you fucking check before you stuff it in your fat, drooling gullet?

Even better, why not try be less of a whiny git in general? Really, are you going to complain to the manufacturer of the stove in your kitchen because you stuck your hand in the flame and it was too hot? When your miscreant child manages to freeze his or her tongue to the flagpole someday, are you going to sue the company for not putting a warning on it?

In fact, I have better idea. Let's put a warning on everything. Every FUCKING thing in the world. That way, you whiny fucks will not be able to complain that you hurt yourself, because you've been warned. You quite obviously don't have the common sense that nature imbued upon turnips, so let's just make it easier for you to cope with the harsh world around you.

I can only hope that one day, you are transported back in time, and are forced to live on your wits alone. I give you two days, tops, before you not only eat poison berries, but continue to eat them, even though they are, quite obviously, causing you pain. And once you're dead, I can only hope that you never had a chance to reproduce, and sully the gene pool with more idiot people such as yourself.

There's a reason our species worked its way out of the stone age, and I would be willing to wager that your ancestors were not it.

Or does that seem a bit harsh?

1 comment:

  1. Regarding hot food.My response to Mr. Frank Chancellor: get a grip! Why cant whiny morons like you just grab a large hand gun and end your earthly life? You miserable fuck.Best regards, Mr. Atle H, Norway