24 June, 2004

The Moonies Scare Me

For that matter, most religions scare me. Lots of weird rituals and chants, plus rules. Silly, silly rules. But the Moonies (or, the Unification Church), is just out there. A couple of paragraphs to summarize what's going on with the church, and the Rev. Moon himself:

Coming from Moon that made perfect sense, because he already believes all religions will come together -- under him. "The separation between religion and politics," he has observed on many occasions, "is what Satan likes most." His gospel: Jesus failed because he never attained worldly power. Moon will succeed, he says, by purifying our sex-corrupted culture, and that includes cleaning up gays ("dung-eating dogs," as he calls them) and American women ("a line of prostitutes"). Jews had better repent, too. (Moon claims that the Holocaust was payback for the crucifixion of Christ: "Through the principle of indemnity, Hitler killed 6 million Jews.") His solution is a world theocracy that will enforce proper sexual habits in order to bring about heaven on earth.

"A line of prostitutes"? Obviously, this guy hasn't met the women I have.

What sort of proper sexual habits? According to Moon, in order to restore blood purity, very specific practices are prescribed. Sex before marriage is out of the question, and when sexual consummation does happen, it must adhere to very specific instructions. First, a photograph of Moon must be nearby, so that everything occurs under the reverend's watchful eye. After two nights of woman-on-top sex, the couple reverse positions, whereupon the man, according to Moon, restores dominion over Eve, via the proper missionary position. Then, according to the instructions attributed to the U.C.'s American Blessed Family Department, "after the act of love, both spouses should wipe their sexual areas with the Holy Handkerchief" --referring to the church-supplied washcloth -- which must "be kept individually labeled and should never be laundered or mixed up."

Okay, first off, the picture of Moon? Creepy.
And as for the "Holy Handkerchief" (of Antioch?), well...raise your hand if ewwww!

Now, obviously, two paragraphs do not a religion make, but they certainly do point to some freaky-deaky shit going on that I don't want to have to deal with. Or have my tax-dollars fund.

All of this from Bad Moon on the Rise, a companion piece to Salon's article about Moon being crowned "the King of Peace" in the Senate building.

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