30 July, 2004

Exploding Rabbits

Men Charged For Tossing Explosive-Strapped Rabbit Into Lake When asked, this is what the miscreant sub-human piece of shit who formerly cared for the rabbit had to say:

"I think that a lot of people are judging us without knowing us at all," Sigmon said. Asked why he fitted Lucky with the explosive, he said, "Um, that's a real tough question to answer.

Other tough questions that Sigmon couldn't answer:

  • Why am I allowed to continue breathing?
  • Should I stick a knife into this cat's eye?
  • What happens when I stick a fork into an electrical outlet?
  • Why am I allowed to continue breathing?
  • I wonder if it would hurt someone if I punched them in the eye?
  • Seriously...why am I still breathing?

Please, do us all a favor, and die. I don't care if I'm judging you. You gave up the right to live judgment-free when you strapped the M-1000 to a rabbit.

And here's the kicker:

Sigmon said he adopted the bunny after almost running over her with his car, but can no longer care for her because he's starting college this fall at University of California, San Diego, where he plans to study biology.

I can only hope that professors at UCSD read this article, and refuse to teach this dipshit for his cruelty. Especially the bio profs.

29 July, 2004

Comma Comma Kabballah

Target now has red Kabballah strings. Only $25.99..cheap!

I can't wait until they start carrying pieces of the true cross, or maybe even golden calves.

28 July, 2004

Life's Little Victories

After an uneventful day at work, it's nice to come home and find my most recent order from Second Spin waiting for me in the mailbox. I would wish for this every day, but the CDs aren't free, and I would quickly be more broke than I am if this was the case.

As if this wasn't good enough, I find that the copy of the Beastie Boys "To the 5 Buroughs" that I ordered, for only $8.99, was brand new, still shrink-wrapped. Ahhhh. Recent album goodness for only half the price!

And, because I know you are all waiting, breathlessly, to find out what else I ordered:

  • Beastie Boys - To the 5 Buroughs
  • The Dead Milkmen - Death Rides a Pale Cow (The Ultimate Collection)
  • En Esch - Cheesy (oddly enough, also in its shrink-wrap...which is more of an odd thing, since the album was released in 1993!)
  • X-Ecutioners - Revolutions
  • X-Ecutioners - Built From Scratch

I can already hear Randy clamoring for copies of those last two.

19 July, 2004

Mark Your Calendars

World Destruction Begins Sept. 29

That's the chilling news from E.T. expert Dr. Terry Johnson, who claims various conglomerations of alien races are conspiring to destroy planet Earth on that day -- with the help of a few volcanoes and earthquakes.

Johnson says an earthquake is scheduled to take place in Guadalajara, Mexico, and when the "crest" of the quake happens, a giant spacecraft will slam into the fault line like a "kamikaze" fighter and start a global chain reaction that will result in the ultimate destruction of the planet.

He claims the E.T.s want to destroy Earth because, in his words, "They're afraid of human creativity and our unique ways of problem solving."

Some humans will be saved, and Johnson says many are already being abducted to other planets to be used as super computers.

Now, let me get this straight: several alien cultures, who have quite obviously mastered interstellar travel and overcome the whole faster-than-light issue when traveling long distances, are afraid of humans, because of our "creativity" and "problem solving"? We, as a species, who have only managed to make it to the moon a few times, and spend decades waiting for satellites to get to the outer edges of the solar system? Oh yeah, be afraid ET! We're coming to kick your ass...if you'll just wait a few thousand years for us to get there.

12 July, 2004

TPS Reports?

Today, I got back from my vacation. I took a week off, visited my parents for a few days, and otherwise just did nothing. Y'know, relaxed a bit! It felt good. Naturally, I didn't want to come back to work today, but hey, that's most everyday for me.