27 September, 2004

Burgerlicious Rocks

Woman sues over bad burger

MELBOURNE, Sept. 26 (UPI) -- A Melbourne woman, suing McDonald's Australia, claims she suffered a loss of libido after biting into an allegedly contaminated cheeseburger.

Contaminated, you say? E. coli? Ebola? Staphylococcus?

Kelly Rae Hennessey alleges the cheeseburger she bought from a McDonald's drive-through in Adelaide in July 2000 contained a rock, the Melbourne Herald Sun reported Sunday.

Oh. A rock. How Charlie Brown of her.

As a result of the bad burger, Hennessey says she's suffered a loss of libido, as well as depression, nightmares, anxiety, nausea, palpitations, diarrhea, shortness of breath and toothache.

You know what. If finding a rock in your food can cause this much mental and physical anxiety, you were never meant to have made it this far in life. It is not only a sad day for humanity, but for evolution as well. Your genes have no right to be passed on to future generations. Do us all a favor, and don't breed.

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