27 January, 2005

Make the Vagina Tight

Ladies and gentlemen, disreputable people of all ages, with the possible exception of children, step right up and hear me now! Do you suffer from the heartbreak of....EXCESS. VAGINAL. WETNESS? (Insert echo effect). Fear not, because I have for you today the miracle of modern science: Absorbshun. Yes, you heard me correctly, Absorbshun. Guaranteed to put an end to that embarrassing squishing noise you hear when knocking boots. Bumping uglies. Making the beast with two backs. Doin' the nasty. And other recreational pasttimes enjoyed by many throughout the world. Step right up and order your's now, while supplies last!

26 January, 2005

21 January, 2005

Midnight Toker

Ah, Norman Cook. You have a penchant for such strange music videos. This one for The Joker is no exception.

Warning: Excessively cute.

19 January, 2005

Abuse in Basra

Y'know, I don't condone torture. But if you're going to do it, don't fucking take pictures of it.

Some pictures NSFW.

17 January, 2005

The iPod Fad

Dell dismisses "one-product wonder" iPod as a "fad"

"It's interesting the iPod has been out for three years and it's only this past year it's become a raging success. Well those things that become fads rage and then they drop off. When I was growing up there was a product made by Sony called the Sony Walkman - a rage, everyone had to have one," he said. "Well you don't hear about the Walkman anymore. I believe that one product wonders come and go. You have to have sustainable business models, sustainable strategy."

Yup, the walkman rage. Everyone certainly had to have one. In fact, I would bet almost everyone did have one. Although the funny thing is, I still see people buying them today. Oh, sure, not in the same numbers as the early 80s. But people still buy them. And it's not like Sony stopped with the Walkman, either. I mean, last I checked, they actually offer quite a few good-quality, consumer-grade audio components and products.

Oh, and pardon me if I'm not remembering correctly, but didn't they pretty much invent the compact disc?

I'd really hate for something like that to happen with Apple and the iPod. It would just be terrible. Absolutely terrible.

Now, let's compare that with the lasting innovations that Dell has brought us over the years....


(Wait for it)

The Dell dude? The Dell delf? Those interns? Bad case design?

I must be missing something

Oh well, I tried. Maybe someone else knows the answer to this mystery.

12 January, 2005

Adios, WHFS

Infinity Flips WHFS to Spanish

In a shocking move, Infinity has converted 20-year modern rock bastion WHFS Washington, D.C., to Spanish as "El Zol" 99.1. The station will play a mixture of Salsa, Merengue and Bachata, targeting adults 25-54.

"We have made clear our desire to expand into this burgeoning market and believe this move marks an important step in our commitment to Spanish radio," Infinity president/CEO Joel Hollander said in statement. "There exists a tremendous opportunity for Infinity to launch a Spanish-language format in Washington, D.C. where almost 10% of the population is not being directly served. El Zol will be the most powerful Spanish radio station in the area and will provide listeners with the music, entertainment and information relevant to the many segments of the Latino culture."

You know, all I can really say about this is: what the fuck? I mean, I understand the marketing needs to reach a diverse crowd of 25-54 year-olds and blah blah wank wank blah...but why not take one of those useless adult contemporary or lite jazz stations to experiment with? And more importantly, why be such chicken-shits about the whole thing and surprise us with the switch?

And a message to Infinity: I'm in that "prized" 25-54 demographic, and shit like this is what's going to make me subscribe to XM. My car stereo is already XM-compatible. I just need to buy the receiver and hook it all up. $10 (or less) per month sounds like a small price to pay to listen to decent music, and actually have some choice in what kind.

To paraphrase the summary, and quote our beloved vice-president: go fuck yourselves.

And to stave off the obvious attack: I really wouldn't care what format they had changed WHFS to, I would still be pissed. About the only format that wouldn't piss me off is the rarely heard "Only Music That James Likes (aka, No Music That Sucks)." And last I heard, there isn't a single station on this planet that can make that claim. (And trust me, your favorite station out in BFE that you've loved since high school; the one you mourn not having around and must suffer what we have here locally because no one is as good as they were; that station...it sucks, too.)

It's Over

Color me shocked.

Intelligence officials have confirmed the US has stopped searching for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

They say the chief US investigator, Charles Duelfer, is not planning to return to the country.

Mr Duelfer reported last year that Iraq had no stockpiles of chemical or biological weapons at the time of the US-led invasion nearly two years ago.

Good thing that the real reason we went there was to liberate the Iraqis. Otherwise, we might've looked silly.


Relax, hipster, we'll tell you when it's ready.

04 January, 2005

Halo 2 and Linksys Routers

If you happen to be using the Linksys Wireless G router (model WRT54G), and are having problems with Xbox live (specifically, not being able to join certain parties in Halo 2), do this:

Go to your router's setup page. (Probably, but consult your manual if you're not sure.)
Under Administration, Management, disable UPnP.
Save settings

Hopefully, you should be able to join parties now. Randy and I had been banging our heads over this issues for at least a week now. Following some random link on the Bungie website, I finally found that solution.

All I can say is, motherfucking hallelujah!

And apparently, this is a known issue, and Microsoft and Linksys are working hard on a fix. Which I'm guessing will require some kind of firmware upgrade for the Xbox, so it might never happen.

Fun in the Drive-Thru

Man berates Burger King staff for running out of fries

A man angrily berated fast-food employees and nearly hit a worker with his truck when a drive-thru clerk told him the restaurant was out of french fries, police said.

Gregg Luttman, 22, was charged with assault, reckless endangerment and other charges stemming from the confrontation at the Burger King restaurant in Sandy Township about 5 p.m. New Year's Day.

Township police Sgt. Rod Fairman said Luttman made an obscene gesture to the drive-thru clerk, then entered the building with another man. Luttman repeatedly cursed at the restaurant staff then walked back to his vehicle; when he noticed restaurant workers taking down his license number, Luttman revved his pickup in reverse, nearly hitting one of the employees, Fairman said.

All I can say is, wow. That certainly ranks up their with the guy who threw his lit cigarette at me (missing my face by inches) and then got pretty damn indignant because we 1) wouldn't let him use the phone to call his father, the attorney; 2) kicked him out the store and 3) wouldn't let him or his friends back in to use the bathroom. Odd, that.

Or the drunk guy who threw his drink at me. That was fun. I got to ride in a police cruiser and ID the punk.

Or the dumbass who jumped over the fence that seperated our parking lot from the next-door McDonald's, and landed on the hood of my car. There was still an impression of that moron's head on the car when I got rid of it last month. Oh, and for more amusement, this moron got a job at Burger King a few months later...amazing that he didn't last that long.

I could go on, but I won't. Randy probably has even more Amusing Stories of Dumbassitude®, since he worked at BK longer than I did.

Did I ever mention how glad I am not to be working at Burger King anymore?

Wising Up?

Is America finally starting to wise up? Fox's 'Daddy' Is Ratings Dud.

Adoption advocates protested the special, and tried to get Fox affiliates not to air it. In the end, viewer indifference will likely doom the concept _ "Who's Your Daddy?" continues a trend of lackluster ratings for new reality shows.

I for one welcome the day when reality TV is looked back with fond nostalgia...as we watch the usual sludge of scripted sitcoms and dramas that have plagued us for the last few decades.

03 January, 2005

Gotta Boogie

There's a fine line between art and stupidity. This guy crossed it.

(As will the moron who buys this thing. C'mon, we all know someone will. It's much to avant garde to pass up!)