29 April, 2007

26 April, 2007

Stupid Giant

Dear Giant,

I often find myself buying coffee from you. You're right across the street, and you're not Starbucks. And hey, you're pretty darn inexpensive, as well. (Especially when I'm being too damn lazy to brew my own coffee in my office.)

But for the love of bob, if you're going to sell shitty, flavored coffees, PLEASE MARK WHICH FUCKING POTS HAVE SHITTY, FLAVORED COFFEE in them! Blech.

xoxoxoxoxo
-me

25 April, 2007

Best. Letter to the editor. Ever.

Daylight exacerbates warning. (Thanks to Metafilter for this one)

At first my bullshit detector started screaming. "Can anyone be this dumb?" There are certainly ways to generate your own fake newspaper clippings. Perhaps it's just that.

Oh no. A quick Google search for the Arkansas Democrat Gazette found that it's not only a real newspaper (for certain values of real, I suppose), but that you can search through their archives. And search I did! So yes, a letter with this headline does, in fact, exist. I do not, however, want to pay $1.95 to actually read it. (Seriously, $1.95? I might consider paying that much for a letter or article from the Washington Post or BBC websites...but frackin' Arkansas? Get over yourselves.)

Update: A free version of their archives. Interesting business plan.

My favorite part:

"Perhaps this is another plot by a Liberal Congress to make us believe that global warming is a real threat."


NEVER MIND that this whole daylight saving foofarah was passed by a Republican congress, and a Republican president signed off on it. It is truly amazing how quickly we forget who was in power for so long.

And I guess if anyone wants to contact the writer and ask them about global warmning, they can do so.

20 April, 2007

Voicemail

I should really check my voicemail at work more often. I finally got around to doing just that this morning. Approximately 24 news messages, dating back from 5 March. Oops.

(Although, really, most of them were from ONE PERSON, all pretty much saying "call me/stop by my office when you get a chance".)

11 April, 2007

The patch

I'm on day four of Nicoderm CQ, the nicotine patch. So far, so good. I've had a few cigarettes since Sunday, but nothing major.

The biggest problem that I've found with the patch is this: it stops the nicotine craving, but it doesn't make you not want to smoke. Which seems odd, but if you've given up cigarettes before, you know what I mean. It's not so much the "ohgodIreallywantnicotinegivemesomenownownow". It's the "wow, okay, normally I would go outside for six or seven minutes and smoke...what do I do now?" (And not to mention the general social implications of not being with the smoking crowd anymore.)

Don't get me wrong, I'm liking it. I definitely like this more than chewing Nicorette. I get a nice, steady stream of nicotine in my system; I don't have to remember to have the gum with me at all times; and I don't have to chew gum so much that my jaw hurts. But still, it's just weird.

Although last night, I think I had my first batch of "vivid dreams" the box warned me about, which made sleeping rather difficult. Hell, one dream managed to continue, even after I woke myself up...twice! So, I guess I will see if the dreams continue, and if so, stop wearing the patch at night.

And only 9½ more weeks to go on the program. Whoo.

Bwahaha

I work for the government, in the executive branch, no less, and on a larf I try to follow the links on http://abstinencefeelsgood.com/. Tragically, I am blocked by Websense, the web filtering app that stops everyone in the Department from seeing anything naughty. (Of course, these sites were blocked for being "Sex Education", which is funny unto itself.)

So I'm trying to decide if I should send e-mails out to complain about these sites being blocked, and having that category opened up in Websense. Because, hey! We're under the Bush administration, and the Bush administration has a big ol' boner for abstinence-only education. We wouldn't want to be going against this big boss, now would we?

09 April, 2007

No, thank you, buddy

To the guy, who had to stop and not immediately make his right-hand turn, who said to me, as I passed by his car while crossing the street, "you could say 'thanks', dick!", I say to you:

Thank you, twat. Thank you FOR OBEYING THE FUCKING TRAFFIC LAWS and NOT RUNNING ME OVER, while I CROSSED THE FUCKING STREET at a CROSSWALK with a WALK SIGNAL in my favor. Thank you.


Fucking Maryland drivers.

08 April, 2007

Everything must go

Or something like that. The following is a list of books, DVDs and CDs that I'm going to get rid of. If you know me IRL, and want any of this stuff (for free!), let me know and I'll reserve it for you. Otherwise, off it goes to Goodwill or the CD Cellar:

















































formattitleauthor
paperbackUpanisadsOlivelle (Trans)
paperbackQuotable SexMcKenzie
paperbackMadame BovaryFlaubert
paperbackThe Bhagavad-GitaMiller (Trans)
paperbackThe DispossessedLeGuin
hardcoverThe Innocents AbroadTwain
hardcoverThey Called Her StyreneRuscha
softcoverWhat the Buddha TaughtRahula
softcoverMigraineSacks
softcoverWhy Do Clocks Run Clockwise?Feldman
hardcoverRatsFox
hardcoverThe Proper Care of Fancy RatsMays
hardcoverBhagavad-Gita As It IsPrabhupada
hardcoverThe Art of WarGriffith (Trans)
softcoverEarth in the BalanceGore
hardcoverHow to Overthrow the GovernmentHuffington
hardcoverCat StoriesHerriot
hardcoverBuster's DiariesHattersley
hardcoverBushmanders & BullwinklesMonmonier
softcoverHinduism - A Cultural PerspectiveKinsley
softcoverMarxian EconomicsEatwell / Milgate / Newman
softcoverCharlie MikeScott
hardcoverThe Minus ManMcCreary
hardcoverThe Girl Who Loved Tom GordonKing
softcoverSword of King JamesLee
hardcoverPrimary ColorsAnonymous
hardcoverThe 9 Steps to Financial FreedomOrman
hardcoverEdgar Allan Poe: Sixty-Seven TalesPoe
hardcoverRose MadderKing
hardcoverMidnightKoontz
hardcoverHideawayKoontz
hardcoverDragon TearsKoontz
paperbackThe Long Dark Tea-Time of the SoulAdams
softcoverYukon Ho!Watterson
softcoverSomething Under the Bed is DroolingWatterson
softcoverWeirdos From Another Planet!Watterson
softcoverIt's a Magical WorldWatterson
softcoverThere's Treasure EverywhereWatterson
softcoverHomicidal Psycho Jungle CatWatterson
softcoverThe Essential Calvin and HobbesWatterson
hardcoverThe Authoritative Calvin and HobbesWatterson
cdPunk Goes 80'sVarious Artists
cdTwice Upon a Time - The SinglesSiouxsie and the Banshees
dvdTwister 
dvdThe Princess Bride 
dvdMonty Python and the Holy Grail 

02 April, 2007

really, i'm not

Dearest bitches,

I am not the helpdesk. Please call our actual helpdesk when you have, y'know, helpdesk-y kinds of problems.

xoxoxoxo
-me