yesterday:

• shoveled and salted the walkway and sidewalk in front of the house
  • good: limits liability and keeps the county of everyone’s back
  • bad: my back is now grumpy at me
  • also bad: new layer of ice that formed overnight is the only thing on the walkway and sidewalk. no layer of snow underneath to aid in walking
• took out trash and recycling
  • good: didn’t have to do it this morning
  • also good: was able to lounge in my fleece pants and play xbox 360 with a guilt-free conscience
  • bad: didn’t think to bring in some firewood before changing into fleece pants. no toasty fire

today:

• woke up at 4AM to go to gym
  • good: going to the gym is good, right?
  • bad: fore-mentioned layer of ice on walkway, sidewalk and my car. why go to the gym with the workout i’m getting from all of this scraping?
  • bad: some roads still not to clear. lots of ice right around my office/gym

at first, i thought the gym was closed. as i was walking towards it, i saw two other people try to get in, but the doors were locked. luckily, someone let them in, and a third person walked up and went in on my way over there. but the place was DEAD. no one at the front desk to swipe my membership card, which luckily doesn’t need to happen for me to do anything. locker room, empty. i get to the main exercise floor and no one is there. absolutely no one. i have full run of the place. i hop on a stationery bike, do my thing. and i kid you not, during my hour on the bike, TWO people came in and used the fucking treadmill RIGHT BEHIND ME. there are literally dozens of treadmills to choose from in that place, and these motherfuckers chose THAT ONE. what the fuck, people? i’m not that pretty to look at, and i’m sure as hell not going to start a conversation with you. get your fucking co-dependent, i-need-to-be-near-other-people fix somewhere else.

Pro-Life Group up in Arms over Krispy Kreme’s Abortion Doughnuts

i hear every doughnut you buy pays for an unwed, teenaged mother to get a 4th trimester abortion, performed by satan himself.

dear lockheed martin:

please go eat a big bag of dicks. stop screwing around with paying my boss. i would like very much to get my paycheck.

fuck all you guys,
-me

Checklist for this website:

• Promote acceptance of men wearing pantyhose: check
• Pictures of men looking stupid in pantyhose: check
• Explanation as to why men would ever want or need to wear pantyhose: er, um

help desk to me: we’ve opened a ticket for such-and-such problem
me to help desk: that problem is not our group. please re-assign to the windows group.
help desk to me: we don’t have access to that anymore, you’ll have to do it
me to help desk: you just did this same thing for us earlier this morning. WTF?!

i have so much hate for our help desk.
hate hate hate hate. hate.

if someone tells you that, they’re full of shit. in fact, here’s a stupid question i just got via e-mail:

James,

Can you explain some of the odd queries that the Google Search Appliance says people are making with some frequency. Here are a few and the number of times they were made since October 1:
[search terms redacted]

yes, allow me to completely explain all of human behaviour. ever. because this is something i can do.

really, the mere fact that this person has sent me an e-mail and asked this question only goes to answer it: people are inquisitive creatures by nature, and want their questions answered. they will seek out these answers anyway they can, including, but not limited to, search engines.

perhaps that should be my response to this person.

password criteria for my new contract overlords billing system:

• must be 8 characters long. not 8 characters minimum. 8 characters total.
• must have at least one uppercase letter, one lowercase letter and one number. it can not have any “special” characters.
• the password is not case sensitive

seriously, i have a more restrictive (and safer) password policy on my laptop at home. couple that with the fact that my username is just 7 random characters (and not, say, my first initial followed by my last name, as is normal), and i can tell that i am really going to hate doing my hours.

let’s just say that at 1:30PM, there’s not much waiting. the entire process took about 20 minutes, most of that being the walk to and from the polling place.

i would like to thank everyone who voted ahead of time via absentee ballots, and also got out of the way by coming in early this morning. thanks for making my life a little bit easier.

co-worker, wandering in: “hey, do you have a floppy disk i could borrow?”
me: “have i ever told you about my magical unicorn, which has the ability to deliver strange and fantastic items to me?”
co-worker: “so, you’re saying you don’t have a floppy disk?”
me: “yes. i am saying that is not 1998, and i do not have a floppy disk.”
co-worker: “thanks, anyways.”

weirdo.

the US government seems to think that i’m trust-worthy enough for a TS clearance.

although, by posting this, i’m sure i just invalidated that. oh well.