Checklist for this website:

• Promote acceptance of men wearing pantyhose: check
• Pictures of men looking stupid in pantyhose: check
• Explanation as to why men would ever want or need to wear pantyhose: er, um

as i sit at my desk, a man walks by, heading to another office. this man, strangely enough, looks like abe vigoda. the following is the insanityconversation in my head:

“whoa. fish from barney miller just walked by. why would abe vigoda be in my office? you know what would be funny? this:”

the bats have left the bell tower
the victims have been bled
red velvet lines the black box
abe vigoda’s dead

“wait…is abe vigoda dead? you’d think if he was dead, there would have been a lot more mention of it on teh internwebs. oh yeah, there’s that site that tells you if he’s dead!”

which, naturally, lead to a quick search on google and the abe vigoda status site. (you’ll be relieved to know that, as of 8:42AM, he was still alive.)

but best of all, at the bottom of the page, is the parody i was hoping for.

thank you, internets. i know i sometimes rag on you, because you’re full of idiots spouting of about stuff that makes no difference. but every so often, you redeem yourself.

Damn, I need to stop with these all-nighters. I now pray for the sweet, sweet release of death sleep. Only 4.5 more hours to go.

Has anyone else tried this Full Throttle energy drink that Coke is selling?

One of my co-workers came back from lunch yesterday and gave me a can of it. Being a fan of caffeine, I decided to give it a try. All I can say is: It was like a sugar and caffeine party in my mouth, and everyone was invited! And then everyone threw up. And then someone peed on my molars.

Ugh. What the hell is wrong with the people who actually enjoy this crap?

You know what makes me feel better? Listening to a lot of Queen while I’m work. God damn, do they rock.

Select artist (“Queen”), and just play every track I have by them in shuffle mode.

“We Will Rock You” + “We are the Champions” = AWESOME. So awesome, in fact, that the iPod even knows to KEEP THEM TOGETHER when in shuffle mode.

• The Most Horrible sent me an image that I loved so much, I had to have it as a bumper sticker. And since I couldn’t find it on teh interwebs, I made it happen. (Damn I love teh interwebs.)
• The Arlington Cinema & Drafthouse is showing Office Space on Thursday. Anyone interested in going?

I am a leaf on the wind – watch how I soar.

So is there really a disease wiping out the bees, or did we just miss the message “so long, and thanks for all the pollen”?

• fuck you, phelps: Topeka Church To Pay Marine Funeral Costs
• Rectum? Damn near killed ‘em! (potentially NSFW)
• Kindergartner Charged With Felony Tantrum
• ‘Please God, let me meet a truck driver’

alright, stop. collaborate and listen.
ice is back with my brand new invention.
something takes ahold of me tightly
something something daily and nightly
will it ever stop?
yo, i don’t know
turn off the lights
and i’ll glow

Completely apropos of absolutely nothing, that came into my head.

I REALLY HAVE NO FREAKIN’ IDEA AS TO WHY!

It’s not like I was listening to Queen’s Under Pressure, and just got that stolen sample stuck in my head. Nope. Was typing an e-mail, and it just started.

And what’s worse, is that this means that some small portion of my memory is being used to store the FUCKING LYRICS to shitty, early-90s, whiteboy rap.

WHY LORD, OH WHY?!

to the extreme
i rock a mic like a vandal
light up the stage and
wax a chump like a candle

My only hope is that by seeing these lyrics, Ice Ice Baby will get stuck in your, so that you too may suffer along with me.

HAHAHAHA! suffer, bitches!